But being a writer it's difficult sometimes to trust that everything actually is working out when the phone isn't ringing, or the bank balance begins to drop, or the ideas are not flowing as easily as you'd like them to. I think this goes for every artist. My friend Emery has a saying: "The Universe is running on time," meaning that there is a greater plan. I freely admit that there are days where I would like nothing more than hand over the reigns of my life to a Higher Power and other days where I'm like: "I'm nothing, I'm no more than a spec of dust and the universe doesn't give a rat's ass about me." I call those my Woody Allen days. "What if there is no God? What if we're just a bunch of absurd people running around with no rhyme or reason?"
He can't be right..... can he?
In most twelve-step programs they say we should "let go and let God" but I have a really hard time with that. I think it's because I am not a natural born follower, why would I choose to believe that some unseen unproven entity has more control over my own life than I do? On the other hand I don't see myself as leader of the pack either. I suppose if it comes down to it, I'm a bit of a lone wolf so trust does not come easily. Do you remember those exercises they used to do in gym class where your schoolmate would stand behind you and you were meant to fall back into their arms, trusting that they would catch you? I had a hard time in both the catch and fall positions. Maybe that was an early indication that I didn't truly trust myself or anyone else.
That's been my homework of late. Not only trusting myself and my instincts but also loving who I am free from judgement. All of the running dialogue of who I "should" be at my age, or "what" I should have acquired by now are beginning to lose relevance as I learn to quiet the critic in my mind. Through this process I am learning to hold space for myself, to breathe into my heart and connect. Being raised a Catholic I maintain that I was given a somewhat distorted vision of who "God" was, I mean I was convinced I was absolutely going to hell by the time I hit second grade. I'm slowly making peace with the big guy/girl, our Source and as I'm doing that I am on a constant scavenger hunt for tools to help me trust more in him/her as well as myself and my fellow human beings.
As I was prepping for a morning meeting and texting my friend Sophie and reading an online article (all at the same time, damn I have really got to learn to focus) I read something that stuck such a deep chord I had to share it with Sophie and I also wanted to come here to share it with
It's from The Full Moon Report on a site I enjoy called The Cosmic Path, you can read the full article HERE. The writer, Emily Samet, whom I have quoted a number of times before on Instagram, wrote this:
Do you have faith that all is coming? That the Universe meets your needs? If you don't, see it as an invitation to explore this further. (Invitation accepted Emily)
Practice trusting in Divine timing. (it's like what Emery says above). Listening to a recording the other morning I heard the astute comment that when we exhale, we don't worry about where the next breath is coming from. (I love that! I wonder who made the recording??) A few hours later I heard my yoga teacher reinforce the point saying, the inhale is given, don't force it. And it is - you don't have to force, you don't have to worry. Yet you do have to make space. If you don't exhale, you couldn't take in a fresh breath. (Did you try it? Lol I did, it's totally possible Emily! Sure, maybe not comfortable but it is possible. See? Not a follower!) It becomes much more difficult to grow when you resist a natural flow. (fine, point taken)
My homework on today's full moon lunar eclipse, (and your homework too should you choose to accept it) is to look for ways where I can create space in my life so that I can allow the natural flow of the universe in. I really do want to believe that there is a bigger plan and that everything I want is making it's way to me on time, and that like my Grandmother used to say: Things always have a way of working out.