December's Virtue

So here's a fun fact (not really fun, I just like the expression) a week ago today, November 23rd was the two-year anniversary of my mom's accident. To catch you up, she was at a soccer game and fainted on the cement floor, putting a five-and-a-half inch fracture into the back of her head. Remarkably she's made a near full recovery. Am so thankful for all of the thoughts and prayers that so many people had sent.

It was around that time or shortly after that I'd gotten back into meditation. The stress of the situation among other things drove me to need some sort of momentary reprieve. Since then I've been going steady and I make it to the meditation cushion almost nightly. It folds in nicely to the monthly virtues that I try to practice each month.

As I've been busy knocking myself out trying to break into television, I'd been trying to work out virtues that might compliment that work. For example in October I'd practiced "Good Timing" as my virtue, closely followed by "Authenticity" in November. So when it came to choosing the virtue for December, I wanted to keep it in a similar bent but found myself stuck for what might work.

And then I read this quote by Oscar Wilde: "An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all." I liked that. 

Then He Who Shall Not Be Named shared a quote with me by Ellen Johnson Sirleaf that said: "If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough." Hmm, that's some food for thought right there.

Dangerous ideas, big dreams, a career in Film and Television - there's a connection in there somewhere I'm sure of it. As mentioned in my previous, rather political Thanksgiving post, I have an idea for a show that is going to be an extremely hard sell because it's going to rock the boat and nice girls shouldn't rock the boat. 

So do I pick Courage or Fearlessness as the virtue? Been there, done that. I wondered if "to dream" was a virtue, but even if it was it feels a little too passive. I am tired of dreaming. I want my dreams to be my reality.

Because we're talking about quotes, this one by Emily Dickinson came up: "Dwell in possibility." I like it, it feels stronger than 'to dream'. There is so much power in an idea. So I dug a little further and came across a webpage that had a list of great quotes about strong ideas.

"If at first an idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." Albert Einstein.

"An idea is salvation by imagination." Frank Lloyd Wright.

Actually check out the page HERE.

Then I stumbled across this gem by the great leader, Nelson Mandela: "It always seems impossible until it's done."

That's it right there. Today's stretch is tomorrow's yawn. We are infinitely capable of anything. So I think Emily Dickinson has it.

December's virtue is an action virtue and the action will be to "Dwell in possibility."

I wish not only for each and every one of you to carry the light of a dream in your hearts, I wish for you to find the path to that dream's realization!

Happy December, lovelies.
Shan

American Thanksgiving

I've been a little busier than I'd like and haven't been able to get here with any regularity, but since I did put up a post about Canadian Thanksgiving, I thought I'd better get my butt in gear and do one for American Thanksgiving too. 

In any case, for all of the things that this holiday has stemmed from (the atrocities and genocide that go hand in hand with colonization)  and grown into to, (massive spending on Black Friday) if we strip all of it away and just keep the gratitude - it's a pretty magnificent day.

I'm sorry to hear that we're still having the same issues in America that we had nearly 100 years ago - hello shitty race relations - 1919 Chicago Riots anyone? But I am grateful to see an African American President in the US and the first Treaty Indian Member of Parliament in Canada (okay folks we still have a long way to go). I'm grateful that I live in a place where we can (for the most part) practice our cultures and beliefs along side one another.

I'm grateful that I can post my thoughts and ideas onto a public forum and not get stoned for it. 

I don't know why I went political here today - I guess because I have an idea for a new TV show that would be a period piece taking place when times were not as congenial and it's been in the forefront of my mind. It's going to be a good show some day, I promise you that!

Whatever is going on in your life or in your neighborhood today, I hope you'll be able to look around you and spot some good things. The faces of the friends and family you love, a full belly, a roof over your head, comfy socks, your sweet cat, whatever it is, I hope you find it and are aware of it and and it makes you glad to be alive. Happy Thanksgiving.

Big hugs.
Shan

 

Going Weightless!

How’d you like to go weightless with me this holiday season? I’m not talking anti-gravity or a space movie; I’m talking about being weightless in the sense of memories of a time before we weighed ourselves. How far back do you have to go? Childhood? Teens? Early twenties? Okay even I laughed at that last one.

Perhaps some have never been lucky enough to not be intimate with the scale, but I have memories of being a kid, running around in the woods or at the lake, never thinking twice about how I looked in my swimsuit or shorts. Sure, my Grandmother would often remind me to hold in my tummy so I wouldn’t grow up to be one of those ladies with a fat belly. “Gran, there was no way to prevent my Abcentricity I’m afraid, but you should know that wherever you are, if you’re looking down on me right now, I’m sucking it in.” Ha ha.

It seems as though somehow this weight-consciousness has just crept into our lives and become part of the every day. We watch what we eat. We feel guilty when we fail. We pretox, detox, diet, and binge. We workout. We work. We have families and fun. We never have time. Yet weekly, sometimes daily, we step on that damned scale and it determines our worth; if not our worth, at least our mood for the day. Since finding TAM and going on my first “diet” four years ago, (yikes has it been that long?) I feel like I have become a yoyo-er. My weight is up, it’s down, I feel good, I feel bad, I work hard, I slack off. I still workout five or six days a week but I am tired of spinning my wheels where diet and weight are concerned. Is this what mid-life is supposed to be like? Me thinks not! I am quoting Shakespeare or something like him there btw.

With five weeks until Christmas I have made a decision to do something different. I am going weightless. 

I’m putting away the bathroom scale and my Tracy Anderson tape measure and I am going to experience what it felt like to be a kid at holiday time. Fortunately I had a good mother when it came to the holidays. She baked and bought chocolates, but she also made sure there were fresh whole nuts on hand complete with a shiny nutcracker. She also stocked up on Mandarin oranges and fresh veggies. She was good about creating balance for us. Thanks for the memories, Mama. (It was no doubt harder on her this time of year since she used the bathroom scale and her Jane Fonda workouts et al). But we were allowed a cookie or two, perhaps one chocolate, but not the whole box, never the whole box, and we were encouraged to “fill up” on the other things. To this day I love those little easy to peel oranges and cracking a walnut or an almond from its shell.

Instead of looking outside of ourselves for comfort and joy this season, why not keep checking in within ourselves? Let's ask ourselves the questions that our parents might have asked when we were moody as kids. How do you feel? What do you really want? More importantly, what do you need? 

I don't know about you, but I don’t want to cross chocolate off my Christmas wish list; I no longer want to make an enemy of the things I love. But I certainly don’t want to have to purchase a pair of Fat Pants in the New Year either. Perhaps if we pay attention in the moment to what’s going on inside of us, we can intuitively guide ourselves through the season coming out on the other side with fond memories and some semblance of a waistline. 

Yes, I’ll no doubt still have to “suck it in” but at least maybe "it" won’t be bursting to get out.

I also like the idea of working toward a goal. The goal here being to see if I can keep trim and fit so that when I do next step in to weigh myself, the number I see there won’t be a shocker. Perhaps I can look forward to a little dip in that number instead, and thinking about that might keep me from guzzling the whole bottle of champagne. Oh who am I kidding, when it comes to champagne there's no stopping me and besides, I wasn't allowed champagne as a kid. I digress.

Weightless it is, starting today. So, dear scale, you get a break this holiday season too. Enjoy the warm comfort of being under the bed. Don’t get too used to it, you’ll be back to work in 2015.

Cheers.

Shan

Ho-Ho-Hold the Holidays!

What the hell, man? Everywhere I look I see Christmas. We were barely past Halloween (I'm saying people were still in costumes) when the decorations came out! Whaaaat?!? I'm not ready for the holidays to start yet, are you?

I'd been doing so well. Two weeks off the sugar and handling it like a pro, then the Halloween candy went on sale.... then I hit the airport for a whirlwind cross-country business trip and bing bang boom! I was a chocolate-eating maniac. Ha, the irony is that when I came home, I stepped on the scale and had lost two pounds. Ain't Irony a bitch! I felt like crap tho, jet-lag didn't help and decided that I wanted to do a detox.

So I popped out to Whole Foods to pick up my fave, Wild Rose Detox and they were sold out! Can you believe it? Seems I wasn't the only one thinking it's time for a cleanse. I had to go to four stores to find what I was after. Are you kidding me? I'd began to think that the universe was trying to tell me something: "Eat chocolate. Eat Chocolate!" Or maybe that was just my obnoxious inner voice.

In the end I got my detox and started it on Thursday. The same day I came across a GOOP post that had Gwyneth Paltrow talking about doing the same thing. When I'm onto something, I am really onto something! It's not like GP is my BFF and we called each other up and said: "Hey are you feeling all bloated and groggy and want to get feeling tip top so we can drink more champers over the hols?" (for those of you who don't have Brits around your table the translation is -- so we can drink more champagne over the holidays)  You know, Gwynnie being formerly coupled with a Brit and He Who Shall Not Be Named being from the UK, naturally we have tons in common...

Anyway.

I'm a firm believer that Misery Loves Company, oops, did I type that out loud? I meant it's so nice to have someone to share all this sparkling clean eating with so here I am blogging about it.

Now you and me and GP can all get squeaky clean together. You can read all about her cleanse at the above link, but for ease, here is the Cliff notes version.

Plus she follows the golden 12-Hour rule. Leave 12 hours between your evening meal and breakfast the next day. I'll tell you, that has been my digestion's best friend.

While I haven't been perfect this weekend (there was a little matter of the hollandaise and "English" muffin that came with this morning's eggs bennie - I blame the Brit... god I hope he doesn't read this) I've stayed off the sugar again!!! and am doing better than if I'd not been on a detox.

Go team clean. Making room for our holiday goodies, snacks and champers will be worth this week of hell, I mean clean!!

xo
Shan


 

Getting Older

I'm so fortunate to have a circle of beautiful and very diverse woman whom I call friends. One or two have been around since I was a teenager, others I have collected along the way, in the towns and cities I've lived, or the places I've traveled along the way. Some have been with me physically, others only through cyber-space. But I love you! Every one of you. It is my honor to know you. Among these amazing women, I include my mother, my mother-in-law, my sister, my aunt and nieces and sister-in-laws. 

That was a huge and overwhelming moment of gratitude. I had to stop typing. I just want to say thanks. Thank you for knowing me and loving me anyway. Thank you for being there. For sharing and for noticing. 

It's so important that we bear witness to one anothers' lives so that none of us goes unnoticed. It can feel sometimes as we age that we become unseen or somehow invisible. Women truly are the unsung heroes of many homes and families.

In the spirit of saying I see you, I notice and I love you no matter what is happening on the outside of you, I want to share an article that one such lovely, precious and dear friend shared with me just this morning. I had intended to write about detoxing prior to the holidays, not only because I just started a detox yesterday and feel better already, but also because I noticed that Gwyneth Paltrow had recently posted a little detox on Goop that she suggested as a pre-holiday idea. I will get to that. I also wanted to let you know about some amazing cruelty-free products that I've discovered and have added to my routine. Again, that will come. Stay tuned.

In the mean time, this felt like it wanted to be shared first. The lovely and amazing Natalia of Basmati Lime emailed me the link to this fabulous article and I believe so strongly that you should read it, I've copied it in it's entirety here. Read on for some serious inspiration.

25 Famous Women on Getting Older

Written my Julie Ma

Dewy, un-creased twentysomethings have long been held up as the essence and ideal of womanhood in popular culture. But you know the mania for youth has reached new heights when glossy magazines allow no more than three wrinkles on the faces that grace their covers and people — Kim Kardashian, for example — go so far as to retouch their selfies before posting them on Instagram. Sure, there are frequent stories about how “30 is the new 20” or “50 is the new 30,” but rarely do we see women over a certain age — unretouched, unapologetic, not medically intervened upon — held up as desirable or admirable, or even held up at all. (Meanwhile, silver-haired men abound in movies and on TV in seats of power.)

But plenty of women have the guts to face the music — and the mirror — with grace. Here, a collection of thoughts on the woes and delights of aging from 25 famous women, including Meryl Streep, Toni Morrison, and Betty White. The power of wrinkles, how sex at 60 beats sex at 16, staring down chin hairs — it’s all here.

1. "I wouldn't want to be 20 now. I know so much more, and I'm much more comfortable in my skin, saggy as it is ... When I hear young girls complaining about superficial things ... You're at the peak of your physical beauty right now! Just enjoy it and stop worrying about your thighs being too big ... If you're upset with how you look at 25, life's going to be tough." —Susan Sarandon, V Magazine, winter 2010/11

2. "We live in a youth-obsessed culture that is constantly trying to tell us that if we are not young, and we're not glowing, and we're not hot, that we don't matter. I refuse to let a system or a culture or a distorted view of reality tell me that I don't matter. I know that only by owning who and what you are can you start to step into the fullness of life. Every year should be teaching us all something valuable. Whether you get the lesson is really up to you." —Oprah, O, the Oprah Magazine, May 2011

3. "I will never retire unless I have to. As long as I'm able to get up in the morning, get that makeup on and my high heels on, and even if I can't wear high heels, I'm going to do like Mae West, I'm going to sit in a wheelchair with my high heels on." —Dolly Parton, Nightline, November 2012

4. “I am convinced that most people do not grow up ... We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies, and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are innocent and shy as magnolias.” —Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter, October 2009

5. “I haven’t done any [cosmetic surgery], but who knows ... When you’ve had children, your body changes; there’s history to it. I like the evolution of that history; I’m fortunate to be with somebody who likes the evolution of that history. I think it’s important to not eradicate it. I look at someone’s face and I see the work before I see the person. I personally don’t think people look better when they do it; they just look different ... And if you’re doing it out of fear, that fear’s still going to be seen through your eyes.” —Cate Blanchett, Vanity Fair, February 2009

6. "It’s horrible getting older, I have to tell you. I mean, it’s wonderful because you see the circles of life get completed, you know. But it’s horrible losing your looks. Horrible. If you’ve been a pretty woman and always pursued by lovers, losing that and not having that — it feels like a great loss ... I’ve always had men pursue me. I’ve always had that ‘it’ thing. God knows why. Maybe it’s pheromones, I don’t know." —Erica Jong, The Believer, October 2013

7. “Old age ain't no place for sissies.” —Bette Davis, The Girl Who Walked Home Alone: Bette Davis — A Personal Biography by Charlotte Chandler, March 2007

8. "I'm very f*cking grateful to be alive. I have so many friends who are sick or gone, and I'm here. Are you kidding? No complaints!" —Meryl Streep, Vanity Fair, January 2010

9. "Best thing about being in your 90s is you're spoiled rotten. Everybody spoils you like mad and they treat you with such respect because you're old. Little do they know, you haven't changed. You haven't changed in [the brain]. You're just 90 every place else ... Now that I'm 91, as opposed to being 90, I'm much wiser. I'm much more aware and I'm much sexier." —Betty White, People, February 2013

10. “I do think that when it comes to aging, we're held to a different standard than men. Some guy said to me: ‘Don't you think you're too old to sing rock n' roll?’ I said: ‘You'd better check with Mick Jagger’.” —Cher, Fifty on Fifty: Wisdom, Inspiration, and Reflections on Women's Lives Well Lived by Bonnie Miller Rubin, November 1998

11. "Yeah, f*ck you, I'm 50. That's what I'm going to say when I turn 50." —Madonna, Nightline, 2008

12. "I actually have better sex — which is the bottom line, is it not? At 60. Because you learn how to, you know, work the vehicle better.” —Lauren Hutton, on her website

13. “There is a saying that with age, you look outside what you are inside. If you are someone who never smiles your face gets saggy. If you’re a person who smiles a lot, you will have more smile lines. Your wrinkles reflect the roads you have taken; they form the map of your life." —Diane von Furstenberg, The Woman I Wanted to Be, October 2014

14. "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” —Lucille Ball, People, January 1996

15. “If you take care of yourself, 60 is nothing for women these days. In today's world you can be the kind of woman you want to be ... Of course, I've aged a bit in the face, but not enough to worry about it. I've common sense enough to know that if I'm nearly 70 something has to give." —Tina Turner, The Mirror, February 2009

16. "Listen, the best advice on aging is this: What’s the alternative? The alternative, of course, is death. And that’s a lot of shit to deal with. So I’m happy to deal with menopause. I’ll take it." —Whoopi Goldberg, New Jersey Monthly, May 2013

17. "I see myself on TV and I say, 'Oh, I wish that weren't happening to my neck. And your face is falling down, and your eyes are so puffy ... I don't want to look old and worn, but what can you do? My real focus is being an actor. I care more about having the opportunity to play roles that I haven't played than I care if my neck looks like someone's bedroom curtains." —Sally Fields, Good Housekeeping, March 2009

18. "My 40s were pretty great, but now, in my 50s — oh, just saying that sounds so ancient! — there comes this wonderful self-knowledge. You're not trying to be somebody else, or do something else with your life. You think: Here I am. I've gone through this, I've survived that, and I know who I am now. There's still the part of me that wants to leap at every opportunity, but now there's the other side that says, 'Let's just wait a minute and see what happens.' That's intuition, and it comes with age and experience. I'm grateful for that, for knowing that I don't have to put my heart out there all the time and can just listen to that inner voice." —Kim Cattrall, Good Housekeeping, July 2014
19. "At 81, I don't feel guilty about anything ... There's nothing inside that's 81. It's just the changes in the body. And the memory. I don't remember where the keys are. Or as my son says, 'Ma, it's not that you don't remember where you put the keys, it's when you pick up your keys and you don't know what they're for'.” —Toni Morrison, The Guardian, April 2012

20. "I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows." —Janette Barber, Better After 50

21. "Here's what I know: I'm a better person at fifty than I was at forty-eight ... and better at fifty-two than I was at fifty. I'm calmer, easier to live with. All this stuff is in my soul forever. Just don't get lazy. Work at your relationships all the time. Take care of friendships, hold people you love close to you, take advantage of birthdays to celebrate fiercely. It's the worrying — not the years themselves — that will make you less of a woman." —Patti LaBelle, Fifty on Fifty: Wisdom, Inspiration, and Reflections on Women's Lives Well Lived by Bonnie Miller Rubin, November 1998

22. “The maturing of a woman who has continued to grow is a beautiful thing to behold. Or, if your ad revenue or your seven-figure salary or your privileged sexual status depend on it, it is an operable condition.” —Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth, 1990

23. "I find my emotions are way more accessible than they were when I was younger and I've come to feel it has to do with age. I have become so wonderfully, terribly aware of time, of how little of it I have left; how much of it is behind me, and everything becomes so precious. With age, I am able to appreciate the beauty in small things more than when I was younger perhaps because I pay attention more. I feel myself becoming part of everything, as if I bleed into other people's joy and pain." —Jane Fonda, on her blog, February 2014

24. “You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping.” —Cindy Crawford, Huffington Post, February 2013

25. “I am still every age that I have been. Because I was once a child, I am always a child. Because I was once a searching adolescent, given to moods and ecstasies, these are still part of me, and always will be ... Far too many people misunderstand what ‘putting away childish things’ means, and think that forgetting what it is like to think and feel and touch and smell and taste and see and hear like a three-year-old or a thirteen-year-old or a twenty-three-year-old means being grownup. When I'm with these people I, like the kids, feel that if this is what it means to be a grown-up, then I don't ever want to be one. Instead of which, if I can retain a child's awareness and joy, and *be* fifty-one, then I will really learn what it means to be grownup.”—Madeleine L’Engle, A Circle of Quiet, 1971


Number 20 made me laugh out loud. Had I been drinking milk, I woulda snorted it outta my nose! Here's a LINK to the actual article.

Hope you have the best day!
Love,
Shan