The Purge Continues

Good morning my pretties,

I have no idea where this post is going to go today so lemme suggest that you strap in, it might be a bumpy ride.

You know, one of the amazing things about making laps around the sun (or collecting birthdays if you prefer) is the fact that you get to have experiences. You can make choices and if you find you're unhappy or things are not quite working out, or you're just tired and bored, you're free to reinvent yourself. Just look at Madonna... Don't cry for her Argentina!

When I was twenty-four, I was working on a cruise ship where I met a woman who was then, just a year older than I am now and I couldn't believe some of the shit she'd done in her short life. 

Hey, how come when I was 24 I thought she was young, but now I'm nearly her age I feel old? That is bang out of order and a massive note to self! Forties are still cool baby! But I digress.

She was a hair stylist. Maybe that doesn't sound all that glamorous, but she was running a spa on a ship so... She'd opened a salon in Pakistan and had been developing her own line of hair care while there, but had to escape under the cover of night with nothing but her young daughter and the clothes on their backs! She'd been married four times, lived in Illinois, Florida, Colorado, California, the above mentioned Pakistan, she'd taken care of her sister as her sister died of aids, she'd broken her neck while skydiving (no kidding!), learned to fly a helicopter, the list goes on. I mean to tell you that there was nothing this woman was afraid of. She'd gotten a scary health diagnosis at the age of 33 and was determined to live the fullest life she could. She was a survivor and a fighter and a chameleon and my best friend. She died on a Superbowl Sunday when she was 55. Trust Jax to cross-over on a big and unforgettable kind of day, but not the kind of day that would ruin you forever like Christmas or Valentine's Day. She was just that awesome.

Wow, talking about her and remembering her kinda makes the rest of what I wanted to write about today feel rather insignificant. You can totally feel free to stop reading here and just take away the message to live the life you've been given if you like. 

Or keep reading because I'd like to talk about reinvention or better still, rejuvenation.

Both seem to be the themes of late. Shrugging out of the old scratchy life that no longer fits and trying to find a comfy cozy one that does. I am attempting to step up and define what it is I want career-wise. Not to 'redefine' myself exactly, but finally make the transition between the emerging (read: struggling) artist and the professional working writer. 

Let's be honest, I'd like to get paid for it, people! 

For one reason or another, I thought the answer to the question or the solution to the problem might lie behind the doors of my closent. I began rummaging around in there and realized that I was basically still dressing like the newbie writer. Still more or less dressing like a college student. I mean come on, for years the only store I shopped at was American Eagle Outfitters.

I'll admit, denim, hoodies and beach hair still really appeal to me. I'll never be able to fully give that up. But if I want to be taken seriously, perhaps I should be looking more toward the classic beauties that I admire and want to be like. Yeah, yeah, I know... Lena Dunham and Diablo Cody were in my last post and as mentioned... both get or have gotten naked professionally... SO NOT what I'm talking about.

I adore the timeless style and beauty of Audrey Hepburn, Lauren Hutton, the young but stunning Emma Watson, and of course my fave, Norma Kamali.

Oh look! There she is with Tracy Anderson, my other favorite lady. (Norma's the one in the gorgeous cateye glasses and fabulous shoes!) 

I started pulling out sweatshirts and old jeans, T-shirt after T-shirt, and track pants.

I needed to do something. So I came up with a modest budget and I hit the street. More to the point, I hit H&M, because lets face it, the street around here is Robson and it can get a lil expensive. I had chosen some classic looking pieces online before going so I wouldn't get distracted and I set out to polish up my personal style.

My sister would have been so proud of me, I found sweaters for $7, $10 AND $14, Leggings for $11. I'm not suggesting that these things are going to last forever, but they will help to transition me as I go into meetings and try to behave like a big girl and get a big girl job. I got one more item than I'd planned and came in UNDER budget! H&M I heart you. You're my new best store.

I brought my bag of goodies home and needed to make room. I dug further into my closet and drawers and began building a pile. He Who Shall Not Be Named walked in during this process and offered to help. He felt confident that he'd be able to help me rid myself of outdated attachments. So I took him up on the offer, until he began going through the discard pile saying things like: "You can't get rid of this Brazil T-shirt, you wore that in your film school video, or I remember you in this from when we were in Cuba, you're not giving that away are you?" He was banished shortly thereafter.

One bag in and five bags out! I took shoes, sneakers, hats, bags and clothing to the donation box in the pouring rain. It was like a poetic scene from a movie! 

Oh, do you remember the scene in Breakfast at Tiffany's where Holly Golightly is out in the pouring rain desperately searching the al for Cat? 

It was like that, but with less tears and less hugging. Okay it wasn't like that at all, but I got that soaked and now I have room in my drawers and closet for my new things.

It was my call to the universe saying: "I'm ready!" 

And I finally feel it. Deep in my bones. I was always plagued with feelings of less-than and not experienced enough. I'm officially letting that go. While I know there are plenty of writers whose talents far exceed my own, I have some experience and a thimble full of talent. I've put in the time. I've kept my nose to the grindstone and it's starting to pay off.  I've made the film, won the award, written the new series... bring it on. 

With laps around the sun comes skill, practical knowledge, experience and a measure of confidence. Confidence not the bravado that can sometimes come with the foolhardiness of youth. I am confident that I can do the job I've set out to do and I am taking the steps... one at a time... toward it.

That journey toward the life you've always imagined begins with a single step, or a trip to H&M, or an overhaul of the closet. What have you always dreamed of doing? Or being? Or having? Is there a way for you to more fully embody that desire? Can you look the part? Isn't there a saying? Fake it till you make it? Well alright then! We got this.

xo
Shan