New Month, New Mood

Well hey there Masterina's. 

Is that a dumb name to call the readers of Mastering My Midlife? Masterina's. I dunno, it seems fitting for right now, let's just go with it shall we?

And going with it is exactly what I want to talk to you about this month. It's November 1st, which means, new month - new mood, new attitude. Autumn is in full swing and I'm feeling like I need to publicly bring back my virtue of the month and for November, I've chosen...

DISPASSIONATE

It means to not be influenced by strong emotion, and so able to be rational and impartial. In other words, no matter what's going on, if you're dispassionate, it means you're able to go with the flow (in my brain anyway).

We mere months away from the end of 2018 and I for one cannot wait to get it over with. That's something I rarely do, wish away time like that, but this year has been hard yo. I feel like we have been asked to surrender to within in an inch of our lives and sanity. I don't know about you, but I've been stretched thin, worn out, feeling used and abused and like I'm the butt of some great cosmic joke and I have not gone gently into that good nite, no sirree. I have not wanted to surrender. Seems every single hill I have stood upon this year was the hill I was prepared to die on - meaning I was constantly picking one battle or the next.

And I'm tired.

Happy to report that I'm finally feeling more human since I was taken over by vertigo in April. I'm not dizzy anymore and my heart is rhythmic for the first time in what feels like four years and I'm being fed creatively. So on that front, all should be well with me right?

Not so much. I've gained a bunch of weight from not being able to exercise and trying to eat everything in site to build up my blood. That's first. Next, I've had a creative parting of the ways with a team of people that I greatly admired and I'm sad to see that our project together will not have legs.  I've been over looked for jobs because there were no Indigenous storylines and at the same time I've been put forward for EVERYTHING with Indigenous storylines regardless of whether the shows are a good fit or not. I feel like I've been in a box this whole year. Or like I have been buried alive.

But now I'm here to say that I don't think that's the actual case. I think perhaps I was planted and now I am starting to grow. We all have. If you feel like this year has been super hard and ass-kicky too, that things have felt all dark and gloomy and you just wanted to pump your fist and rage against the injustices of the world, you're not alone. I feel like the universe has been culling things from our lives to make room for better stuff, nicer people, greater more fulfilling lives. It's been taking things away from us knowing that those things would NOT ultimately serve us or our hopes and dreams.

And while at times it has felt as though we've been trying to crest the wave of a tsunami only to wind up pummelled into a rocky shore, left to pick through the wreckage of 2018, that wave has cleared a bunch of shit away and we can now - dare I say it - start to rebuild.

Rebuild a body with health and vitality. Rebuild a career with people who empower us. Rebuild relationships with love and compassion. And be strong enough to face a world that sometimes feels cruel and ugly and violent and stupid and wrong and evil and dark. We can now stand, stripped down to the bare bone, in our truth and be our best light-generating, way-leading selves.

AND another thing... We can also see through the garbage that used to trip us up. We have stronger bullshit meters. We're less likely to be doormats. And we do not have to take the emotional rollercoaster ride for anything. Things can go wrong and we'll survive, really awesome stuff can happen and we don't have to get so caught up in the success that we forget what's important. We can be more like the ancient Stoics. We can be what? What can we be now that we've been through this baptism of fire that's been 2018?

That's right... DISPASSIONATE. We can be cool, even keel and rosy.

This will also allow us to see ourselves in a brand new way, perhaps give us the insight to see ourselves the way others see us. Or love ourselves exactly as we are, flaws and all.

Allow me to give you a tangible example of what I mean and this was a real eye-opener.

One year ago - November 2017 I decided that over the holiday I was going to grow out my grey hair to see what was beneath all that color. I gathered some images of silver sisters for inspiration, went away to a cottage and had at it.

Once the holidays were over, I got back to the city, had to go back to the writer's room and I hated my hair. It was ugly, old, uncool, etc. etc.

Cut to three months later being laid out on the bathroom floor with vertigo waiting for the color to process in my hair, hoping I'd be able to rinse it out before I barfed. What was THAT madness? I made the decision to try again. Once my next writing gig was up - I was going to take the summer and (sing it) Let it grow, let it grow... 

Now, as many of you already know it has not been an easy journey. I have gone back and forth and back and forth. Wanting to color it, thinking it's fine, hating it to bits and back again.

Yesterday I was looking through some old photos and kept seeing all these pictures of myself with dark hair and I immediately wanted to call my stylist to make this grey nightmare end. But then it occurred to me - maybe I could look at some of those early photos that made me want to embark on this journey in the first place. I mean if I could be swayed to want to go back to dyed hair by a mere image, perhaps said image could persuade me to stay the course. So I started looking and a crazy thing happened... I saw myself... and my hair in a whole new light because it was looking very similar to an image of someone's hair that I LOVED. We didn't look so different.

I'd had one or two friends say they liked how my grey was coming in. He Who Shall Not Be Named said he liked it too. Yet somehow I could not see what they saw until I revisited that photo. Now I'd like to ask you to look...

This is a pretty darned dynamic example of how sometimes the story in our heads blurs out the reality of what is right in front of us. We get so attached to the drama, the heartache, the stress, the idea that we've been clinging to that we can't see that the storm has passed, that we survived, we triumphed, we're beautiful, we made it etc. 

If this year has taught me anything, it's taught me to not believe everything I think (words to live by, am considering having them tattooed onto my forehead), it's taught me to let go and let God, and for heaven's sake the biggest lesson of all is THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Don't get so worked up over it.

So, together, this November - let's be dispassionate. And, November 1st is world vegan day - so why not try going vegan for the month. It won't kill you, in fact it will save the lives of several animals and you don't have to do it alone.

Go to Veganuary and take the pledge. They'll help you out and you don't have to wait until January. Plus going vegan gives you great skin - in case you needed a little extra motivation.

Loads of love,
Shan

Not Always Easy

Hi Darlings!

How have the first few days of the new year been for you? I'm not sure how you felt but I was sort of expecting a magical shift when the clock struck midnight on the first day of 2018 - and then nothing happened. I was still me. Still stressed about the same old stuff. Still dealing with the challenges that I was working on prior to the fireworks.

Still, here's hoping as the month progresses, the oppressive energy of that December Mercury retrograde {and pretty much all of 2017 let's be honest} will lift and things will lighten up.

If you've been popping by here, you may be aware that in December I chose to take the vegan challenge by signing up for Veganuary and as I was educating myself or as I've taken to saying: I got vegucated, I started the journey earlier than expected, December 10th to be precise. At that point I was on hiatus from the writing room and was headed to a cottage for the holidays. I planned well, shopped right, and made some incredible food and thought to myself, this ain't so bad. 

But now that I'm back in the city, gearing up to get back to work and all that that involves, I've had to start thinking -- what am I gonna take for lunch? I need to plan for snacks! I still haven't found a decent foamy milk drink to replace my favorite instant dairy one. Then whoa is me {let's be reasonable here - I say whoa, but it's not that bad. I'm taking creative liberties, just go with it} I was digging through my work bag and I found a left over pouch of my cappuccino! Dude, I wanted it. Everything in me said just have it. It was left over from before. It was already purchased. The cow already suffered. You want to now make her suffering in vain by tossing it out? On and on my nasty little mind went!

You'll be pleased to know I did NOT drink it. I didn't throw it out either though and here's why. You can get to watching all these documentaries and learn about the horrific conditions and swear off every animal product you've ever had -- but A) you can still be tempted by your old faves and risk falling back into old ways of being... 

and B) What a great reminder not to judge those who have not yet chosen a plant-based diet.

I did say that I wanted compassion to be my virtue for January and that doesn't just apply to having compassion for animals. It means having compassion for myself in moments of weakness and compassion for those making different choices than me.

With that crisis behind me, I went to a doctor's appointment that I had and planned to hit the grocery store afterwards to pick up some things for tonight's dinner. I didn't think to eat before I left, knowing it would just be a quick appointment. What I hadn't counted on was that the Doctor would be running late. {I know what you're thinking. Really Shan? Doctors are always late, and where are you going with this damed story anyway?} Getting there. Patience Noble Reader.

As I left my doctor's office, I was starving and thought how easy it would be to just grab something on the way to the grocery store, but it seemed like every restaurant and take-away joint between the two only had animal products on the menu. It occurred to me that I am going to have to be a helluva lot more of a planner because vegan gluten-free is not always going to be an option. It's going to take thought and a bit more work as I learn the ropes, because in spite of how committed I feel to this lifestyle shift, I'm still a newbie! It's not always going to be easy. But... all we can ever do is do the best we can with what we have and from where we are, right? Right.

All 'a you new vegan beauties out there, stick with it. Your health, our planet and the lives of precious loving animals are so worth it!

Love, 
Shan

Reflections on 2017

With only five days left in the year, I'm struck by how quickly 2017 has flown by. It's been a year of hard work, tough challenges, lessons learned {some the hard way} love, loss, joy and celebration. I cannot remember a year like this one, as arduous as it was fun. I'm saying I think 2017 was a bit bipolar, for as much as I've had to be grateful for and celebrate during the past twelve months, I've also shed tears, been frustrated, afraid, taxed beyond what I'd ever imagined I could handle and still have managed not to feel utterly trampled by it all.

How has it been for you? Have you had a chance to take some time for yourself this holiday? Were you able to sit quietly for a few moments and reflect on all the year has brought you? On all the year has taught you? If you've been overwhelmed by commitments, duties, family obligations, and holiday merriment in general, I'd encourage you to take a few minutes for yourself and reflect. It's the perfect time for it. With the solstice still clearly in our rear-view mirror, the days remain short and dark. We're sitting in the shadow of our recent Mercury Retrograde - so there couldn't be a better time to go within. Look at where you've been, all you've accomplished this past year, be proud of the obstacles you've overcome and have a moment of gratitude for the many blessings big and small.

No idea where to start or feeling too tired to even bother? How 'bout a little help. I found a lovely Christmas Meditation that I was able to do on Christmas morning and it really gave me perspective on where I've been and how I've grown this year, because I dunno about you, but this year has felt like one of exponential growth. My biggest take-away however, has been the lesson of surrender.

We simply cannot control everything. Seems each time you click on the news something bad has happened, is happening, or is about to happen - and with access to global broadcast we're getting more bad news from farther away, faster than ever before. Add to that the various causes you may choose to support, charities you're committed to helping, or change you want to contribute to make our world better - it can all feel a bit much some days. So I've learned to ask for help. To realize that I am just one woman and that it's okay to surrender to a higher power, whatever that is for you.

I've not be here as faithfully as I'd have liked this year so haven't been keeping up with posting my Monthly Virtues, but I'd like to take this opportunity - here in the last week of the year - to set up my virtue for the new year. If you've been following any of my Twelve Days of Christmas posts, you'll know I've committed to going Vegan. It started out just as a pledge for the month of January when I signed up for Veganuary, but as I've done my research and dug into it a little more, I've elected to start early and see it through as a lifestyle shift. {Meaning indefinitely} Therefore, I'd like to choose the virtue of COMPASSION for the month of January.

Compassion first and foremost for the animals, compassion for myself for not making this change sooner, and compassion and understanding for all those not yet ready to take this step.

In the meantime, I'd like to share with you a message from the lovely intuitive counsellor and happiness coach Kari Samuels for this last week of the year. This was her message:

{The Past} You've learned a lot in the School of Life throughout this year. Nobody could have entirely prepared you for what you've learned, because it had to be from experience. Now you know to listen to your inner voice, to trust yourself more, and to make decisions based on what's right for you, rather than someone else's idea of you. Now it's time to make some of your dreams a reality.

{The Present} Let this last week of the year be one of reflection. Your intuition is strong and your Guides are preparing you for a momentous year ahead. There is lots to see and do! Yet for now, it's time to write, journal, dream, imagine and reflect. {I love that!}

{The Future} It looks like we're beginning the year with a beautiful start. Get ready for emotional, spiritual, and material fulfillment. This is what happens when you are true to yourself and take a chance on your dreams. We begin the year with an incredible Full Supermoon in Cancer. It's a big bountiful blessing from the Universe reminding you to shine your inner light brightly!

Thanks Kari. That's a beautiful note to wrap up the year with.

I'd like to encourage each and every one of you to take a chance on your dreams. Dare to make wishes and believe they can come true. I feel very strongly that 2018 is going to be a year of true happiness, blessings and abundance. It's all ours if we choose to accept it.

Happy new year my beauties.
Love,
Shan

Happy New Year

Good morning and Happy New Year!

How was your holiday? Did you ring in the new year last night with boisterous bluster or quiet contemplation? Whatever you did, I hope you took a moment to bid 2016 farewell and thank her for all of the lessons she taught you - or in my case forced upon me, the unrelenting battle-ax! 

I am fond of new years because I am a lover of clean slates and fresh lists. Add to that, that the new year falls on a Sunday, I get the joy of a new day, new week, new month and a new year. Tres exciting. 

Are you a resolution maker? Have you made any resolutions? I virtually know nothing about astrology or numerology, however I do enjoy reading about all that stuff and I'm told that 2017 is a Universal 1 year. This is what I've read:

January 1, 2017 marks the first day of the first month of the first year of a new cycle that ends in 2025, 9 years from now, 2017 is a Universal 1 year, where we plant the seeds of intention for the forthcoming year, and the entire 9-year cycle. January 1 - today - marks the 1:1:1 Star Gate, downloading us with new energies, opening the Lightdoor to new possibilities limited only by our preconceptions or beliefs. There will be other triple-1 gates on January 10th and 19th, but the first downloads will be the purest.

I love that! I have no idea what it means but it makes me feel as though I am walking through a field of rich and endless possibilities. We each have the opportunity to take a moment today and consider this question -- "What do I really want?". Think about that. Think about the past nine years. Can you remember 9 years ago? 2007. Where were you? Who were you with? What were you doing? Do you remember what you wanted back then? You set yourself up for the nine years that followed. I don't know about you, but I think I might have fucked some stuff up because the last nine years were pretty tough. Good, yes but hard. And today is like one big magical and cosmic do-over!! Oh goodie!!!

Quite honestly I don't remember all that much about 2007 other than I packed up my beloved and my cat (who is no longer with us, miss that guy so much) and everything I owned in the world and headed West. No joke. We drove across the whole of Canada from Toronto all the way out to Vancouver Island where we lived for 4 years before moving slowly back east - with a three year pit stop in Vancouver, before coming back to Toronto, where I am currently writing to you from. Talk about full circle. Literally. That's pretty interesting. So maybe this truly is a do-over. I am back where I started.

The horoscope I was reading and quoting above goes on to say:

Beyond making the usual New Year's resolutions, this year we infuse love and intention into our deepest heartfelt desires, dreams, and vision for every area of our lives. Once these intentions are set, we release any preconceived ideas, beliefs, attachments, or attempts at understanding, allowing the universe to bring forth what wants to be expressed. It is no coincidence that the year begins with Mercury retrograding through Capricorn. We are not meant to bring our minds into this process. This is the time to plant the seeds of co-creating with the universe what we truly want for ourselves and the world we want to live in, coming from the heart. We go forward without expectation or attachment, trusting in the universe and our Higher Selves (which is the same thing) spreading seeds of love and peace.

So I'll ask you again, have you got any resolutions for the new year? If your answer is no, perhaps you might want to put forth an intention or two of what you'd like to see yourself or your world become in 2017 and beyond. I know there is a kick-ass handstand in your future Myla! You go girl.

Carl Jung says: Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside awakens. How great is that?

Why not take a moment right now. You're not doing anything anyway other than reading my blog, so make yourself a cup of tea or some warm comforting soup and reflect. Think back over the last nine years and ask, if there was something I could do differently, something I could improve upon, something I could nurture within myself, what might that be?

Generally I need only look to the side of this page and review my Shamandments and I get set back on course. Or if I peruse the many virtues that I have chosen over the months and years of writing a blog, there are so many lovely things I could focus on and cultivate. But always, the most important thing is authenticity and being who I am. 

But I don't always know who that is. My identity often gets tangled up in the activities I pursue. For example yoga. For a very long time, I was a yoga teacher so that became an identity or the fact that I am a writer is part of my identity but are those things who I am? Not really. A neck injury took away my yoga practice and therefore I no longer teach. Do I still practice facets of yoga like ahimsa or meditation or pranayama - yes, but is that who I am? Not really.

In 2010 I started working with the Tracy Anderson Method and in fact it was how I started to write a blog because I had wanted to be accountable to myself by working out daily. Then that morphed into some kind of identity. But is that who I am? No it is not.

For more than a decade, I have written feature film screenplays and made a couple of short films and a feature film called Empire of Dirt, so I considered myself a filmmaker. Yet I have spent the better part of last year writing television so does that mean I am no longer a filmmaker? No, it just means I am more than that. We are more than the labels we get attached to.

I for one am happy to sit down and create a list (fond of lists remember?) and take stock of not only what I want to challenge myself with in this new year, but also be conscious of what no longer serves me and be mindful of not bringing those attitudes or behaviours with me into this next nine year cycle. This is truly a time for wrapping up, giving yourself a tidy-up or an inventory taking. Not the most eloquent  way to say that but you know what I mean. Like Jung says -- look within. What's working, what's not.

Someone who has done a spectacular job of that this year has been my friend Karen. You might know her from IG as peacefullwillow, she has culled all the crap from her life, become transparently honest and is following her own true North! Karen, you inspire me daily and I love you so much.

In charting my course for this new year and this next nine-year cycle I've had to get really honest about some things. For one, I have decided to stop saying yes to everything. I can actually be more selective about the types of projects I take on, but more importantly about the people I choose to work with. Life is too short to work with passive aggressive or hateful meanies. And two, I need to value my time and my skills more. This year I am taking a leap of faith and am saying to the Universe - I believe in me, I believe I can make a living off of my writing - so I have officially let go of my part time job. Yikes! Next Saturday will be my last shift. And with that in mind, it's time to be more frugal with my budget. What can I afford, what can I not afford, and what can I not afford to be without?  These are some hard questions as I have never been good at budgeting. But... and here it is, this is going to be the record scratch moment, the moment where you'll hear a pin drop - I have elected to not continue streaming with TA.

The God's honest truth is that for quite some time, I have not been connecting with the work. Friday was my two year anniversary and instead of growing into the work (which I had hoped would happen) I have grown away from it. I don't know how much I have shared with you about my heart over the past 18 or so months but I have some unusual (but benign so not to worry) arrhythmia so extreme heat or too much cardio make my heart go wackadoodle. If I get exhausted or don't eat properly my heart goes wackadoodle. If I'm stressed? You guessed it wackadoodle heart. So I have had to step back from the master classes and just do the beginners class, but I wasn't seeing the results I had gotten used to with Tracy from Meta and Continuity - plus looking at my budget - well it just no longer makes sense to spend so much money on something I no longer love.

The weird thing is that I know a lot of people are going to take issue with that. And that's what doesn't sit well with me. I have just never been much of a joiner. When I started blogging back in the day, many like-minded readers, who have since become friends, came and hung out and we shared a few laughs and our relationship grew. But as we grew, so did social media and so did the Tracy Anderson Community and whether it outgrew me or I outgrew it, there was no longer a fit. Don't get me wrong. I love and adore all my girls whom I have connected with and grown with and learned so much from - look at Karen who I spoke of above. Would not have met her if it hadn't been for Tracy and Instagram. I am so grateful. But at the same time, I am ready for my fresh new nine-year cycle.

Oh I still workout out. Moving my body has been a religion for me for as far back as I can remember - doing Yoga or Jane Fonda workouts with my mom when I was a wee kid, to track & field in elementary school, running through my teens and twenties - I have always moved my body and will continue to do so.

I love and am inspired by so many of the beautiful women who post their workouts every day - Nadine, Karen, Emery, Jenne, Elise, Gillian, or Emily the list goes on and on, but I am not now, nor have I ever been a poster of my workouts. When I started writing about my workouts I did post some body shots to see and to share my progress. It helped me grow into being physically accountable for moving my body and the fuel I gave myself, but I never wanted to be known for my physique. I might be part of that world but I am not of that world if that makes sense??

I did not take this photo - I just love it

New nine year cycle - I want to be known for my voice, for my vision, and for what I can add to my community. This body will age and pass on, it's a shell, it is not my identity. It is not who I am. See what I did just there, I circled back to the theme of this very long-winded new years day post.

So to quote fitness guru Tony Horton - what's the tip of the day? Today's tip is that you, I, me, we, are not any one thing. Our identity should not need to be tied to any single one thing either. 

I have been sugar free for over nine months. Yay me! In February I will be a year gluten free - I can finally say with some conviction that I have achieved the balance in my diet that I had so desperately sought through my years of blogging and watching my metabolism crap out with age.

It's my intention to stand in my own space, do my own thing, use my voice in productive and uplifting ways so as to bring some light and levity into the world around me. I want to once again believe in magic and dwell in possibility.
So the virtue for January as it has been for various months in the last year and half is BELIEVE. Believe in myself, in the power of friendships, believe in love and in magic and all things good.

A very happy and blessed 2017 to all of you!
Love,
Shan

"Efforting"

As you know every September I get this autumn bug, this back to school buzz where I want to start something fresh and new. However as this September kicked off with a whopping big ole Mercury in Retrograde, this ain't the time to start something new. However, it is a great time for a rewind, hold the phone, kick you in the pants, do over!

Now take a walk with me if you will, back through the past eight months. Yes that's right, we're in the home stretch, the big push, the final countdown of 2016 so this feels like a good time to take stock. Yeah yeah I know that most of you would prefer to do this on December 31st but not me. I wanna do it now. As mentioned in my previous post I've had the snot, the stuffing, the begeezus kicked out of me and I'm still standing, a little worse for wear sure, but hopefully a little bit wiser.

I've learned that "efforting" gets you nowhere. Yes it's a thing! I'm not saying that you shouldn't make an effort. Go after your dreams, pursue your goals, strive for something greater yada yada yada, but all that pushing can lead to a whole lot of stress and not always a lot of reward.

Now I for one have chosen one of the dumbest professions in the world and when I say dumbest I mean it's so hard to break into and make a living that you'd have to be a dumb dumb to do it. And I am. But the thing is, this past year (oh fuck who am I kidding, this past decade) I've done nothing but press and push and keep the pedal to the metal, strive for achievement that I'd lost sight of why I began to write in the first place. I've even pushed my health to the brink, but that's a story for another day. I had to stop and reexamine my motivation and I can promise you that I didn't become a writer to "try and get noticed" or "land that big TV gig" but that's what I'd become! Gag, it was/is exhausting. I just want to sit in my room and make shit up!

So as I really stop to think things through, Mercury Retrograde couldn't come at a better time for me. I just want to take a breather. I want to have some fun. I want to let go, let loose and stop all this efforting!

Don't get me wrong, starting next week I will become busier than a bee in a hive but that doesn't mean I have to squeeze the life out of myself to get it all done. Rather it's my new belief that I can ease and flow my way through. Find my groove, be myself, use my voice and create with an air of freedom and fun. This is a new concept for me so lets see if I can pull it off.

Who's with me? You up for going with the flow for a lil bit? Ready to let go, to surrender to something bigger than us? It's like Marianne Williamson says: The bud knows how to become a flower, the embryo knows how to become a baby, the acorn just grows into the oak tree, if we let go and slip into the stream of life's buoyant energy we are sure to become whatever it was that we were designed to be.

So that's it, noble reader, the virtue for the month of September is SURRENDER. No more "efforting". Told you it was a thing.

Stay cool.
xoxo
Shan

Happy Half-Way New Year!

All day long all day long all day long, I could watch fireworks. Seriously, all day long. Did I mention I could watch 'em all day long? 

Unfortunately for me, my dog hates them. So have not had many opportunities to watch the dazzling displays in recent years. But today feels like kind of a big deal. Not only because it's Canada Day and we will be having fireworks across the country, and not only because it's my Great Aunt's birthday today, Happy Birthday Auntie Anne - love you - but also because today is a magical exact halfway point in the year.

How or why is this any different than any other year? Leap year my pretties. We have 183 days behind us and 183 days before us and I feel like leaving all of the work, the heaviness, the effort, the drama, the meanies, and any residual negative feelings about all the shit that's currently going on in our world behind me -- from slavery in Nigeria, to Canada's injustice towards Indigenous people, to the shooting in Orlando, the bombings (plural - f*ck) in Istanbul and Brussels, Brexit, Trump, and the Tracy and Katia workout stuff and more. I'm a no drama mamma. Thank you and good night.

I want to walk through a portal or magical doorway into a peaceful, accepting, loving, non-judgemental, unconditional, authentic space where I'm free to be me and you're free to be you and we can love whomever we choose gay or straight, red, white, yellow, or black, Jesus, Buddha, Allah, or Krisha, cats or dogs, whatever. 

A place where dreams come true, no one is left out, and good health is abundant and no one feels lack of any kind. Is that too much for a girl to wish for on this new day of this new month? Me thinks not. Who's with me?

Okay, lets go.... ready?

Isn't it perfect? Don't you just love it? This doorway sparks my imagination and makes it go all fairy and magic and miracles and shit. So what shall we expect in the new half year? Well what do you want? Have you taken a moment to ask yourself that lately? What do you really want? Why not start with how you'd like to feel?

I'd like to feel happy, I know that much. I'd like to feel at ease. I'd like to do nothing but fun stuff. I like fun. And I'd also like to feel free, untethered like a hot air balloon rising up up up into my limitless potential. 

I want to know that I'm good at what I do and believe with all my heart that I am worthy. That I don't have to earn that worth by doing things that make me feel uncomfortable. I want to be surrounded by people who get me and accept me flaws and all, people who want to see the world be a beautiful positive all-inclusive place. Oooooh and I want to be surrounded by flowers and nature. I want everyone around me to have fresh air and clean water and access to medicine and safe working environments. I'd also like to see ethical treatment of people and animals across the board. Yep, in my world horses and pigs, dogs, cows and little chickens run free, are well fed and happy. No person owns another person. Women can move about safely and go to school or work without fear of retribution from their families or anyone else. Damn I got a lot of wishes for my new world on the other side of that door.

But guess what? I am a writer so I can create multiple worlds populated with all kinds of interesting people and things.

In any case, I needed to exercise some demons today, wipe the slate clean and start the New Half-Year right! So that's what this is all about. Really, I'm not a fanatical idealist with my head buried in the sand. Although, He Who Shall Not Be Named might argue otherwise he he he.

I just want a better tomorrow. What I know for sure is that greater people than me believed we could be better.

With those wise words, I leave you with the virtue for July. LOVE. Obviously. Now walk with me, through the door of today and into our beautiful tomorrow!

Happy second half of 2016!
xo
Shan

The Closing Chapter

Happy June!

Don't you just love a new month? I know, me too. Clean slate, fresh start, new virtue, new energy. It's a field of all possibilities.

I mean doesn't that image just crack your heart wide open? It's like heaven. This is what I imagine nearly every single month as I flip over the page in my calendar to the next new month. Endless possibility. I love it. Last month I chose to RECEIVE as my virtue because I find it difficult to take even a simple compliment, this month I am choosing AUTHENTICITY as my virtue. 

Yep, it's pretty much Shamandment number 1, Be Shannon. So there I am, the girl who imagines her life as a valley of wildflowers in the foothills of some mythical mountain at sunrise. Or is that sunset? Either way, wildflowers under sherbet skies. How's that? That's me. The dreamer.

So as we embark upon this new month it felt fitting to bring to a close the chapter in my life I have lovingly entitled My Solution. You can read the entire story HERE.

After four weeks on the AHS, what conclusions have I come to? Adding more fat to my diet has definitely helped me out with the sugar cravings. I'm a week away from 70 days sugar free. I'm talking super sugar free, no honey, no maple syrup, no dates, no crutches. Honestly, I'd have thought that just that on it's own would have made me shed the weight in no time. He Who Shall Not Ne Named has been vegan since early February and he would have thought that the weight would have just dropped off his frame too, but no.

So what are my physical results then? In terms of weight, the jury was out on that because of the scale conundrum which you can read about in my previous post. It's not good. Not good at all. I weigh exactly six ounces less than when I started four weeks ago according to my original scale with new batteries. Boo! Seven pounds still to lose. But on the positive side, Dr. Dave did deliver on his promise to shrink my mid-section. While he hasn't exactly earned the title of Muffin Top Slayer for outstanding performance, (that championship belt still belongs to Ms. Tracy Anderson), he did deliver results. I lost 1.5 inches off my midsection. The rest of my body remained, to my chagrin exactly the same. Hips, thighs, chest, arms, et al, no change. So effectively I think the real changes occurred within. Or at least I hope they have. I am imagining my internal organs having a bit more room to breathe with some of the fat gone.

I do have a greater sense of well-being, I am no longer dominated by cravings apart from the odd one during PMS, and I think I have found a stable and sustainable way to eat... now all I have to do is figure out how to lose 7 pounds without fucking everything up. Insert a worried emoticon here why don't you.

In answer to my Big Why? The things I had to list as reasons for doing this?
A) Mental freedom from being dominated by sugar cravings. Check.
B) Converting my body into a fat burner rather than a sugar burner. No clue apart from perhaps my slightly smaller waist? So maybe a Check?
C) Want to unwind all the damage of years eating like a teenager. It's definitely a start. So Check.
D) Radiant health, loads of energy, mental clarity and freedom from pain. I'm going to go with Ish. Check-ish. I feel slightly better but feel like I still have a ways to go.
E) Vanity, I have always wanted to rock a six-pak. Don't wanna be abcentric no more. Sadly, 1.5 inches off does not a six-pak make.

Four-ish out of five ain't bad.

It was a fun experiment and I think the reading and research I've done this past month will inform many future choices and hopefully I will continue to gain clarity and energy and drop the last few pounds without driving myself mad.

And yes, I owe you a post on WHEAT dammit. I know. Just find your way into the valley of flowers for now, for that's where you'll find this dreamer as she hammers out the last third of this new movie called LIFE WON'T KEEP.

Big hugs.
Shan

PHASE I

So here we are ladies, day three for me, day two for my lovely beauty NATALIA who is bravely venturing into these uncharted ALWAYS HUNGRY SOLUTION waters with me and I am delighted to report it's day one for my equally brave and beautiful MAMMA! 

We've been through it all hey mom? From Jane Fonda to the Thigh Master from Suzanne Somers. And omigod do you remember that twist board? 

The grapefruit diet, the cabbage soup diet, all of it. Maybe this will be our epic solution. In any case it's so fun to have others doing this with me because I am so curious to see if the science behind this method of eating is really true. Only way to know is to delve into it head on. No fear.

So for those of you that are unfamiliar with the book ALWAYS HUNGRY and Dr. David Ludwig, whom I refer to lovingly as Dr. Dave, (unless he makes me fat then god only knows the moniker that will be assigned, likely something along the lines of Fuckingfuckitycockbollocks) but lets not go there, my mom is likely reading this! Yikes. His ALWAYS HUNGRY SOLUTION breaks down into three phases and today I'd like to share an overview of Phase 1 along with some additional practices that we're going to try to implement.

In a nutshell, ripped almost word for word from the book, but giving due credit so I don't get sued, we are not going to be counting calories (for at least the next three weeks anyway). Instead we are going to work on reprogramming our fat cells to release their excess calorie stores by replacing refined carbs with fat and further achieving the right proportions of UNPROCESSED CARBS and proteins at meals and snacks. (we are not eliminating carbs here people, I think that's a very important distinction)

Chances are you already know what these refined carbs are but just as a refresher they include stuff like white flour, white bread, white rice, pastries, sodas, pasta, sweets, breakfast cereals, and added sugars. Bottom line is that refined carbs include mostly sugars and any processed grains, you know, the good stuff that basically makes life worth living. But I digress.

The idea with the whole program is that by feeling nourished, the body will transition out of starvation mode (and stress/inflammation) and begin to lose weight without a struggle thereby achieving it's personal happy weight set point.

In PHASE 1 a whopping 50% of our food intake will come from healthy fats, things like nuts and seeds, nut butters, full fat dairy, avocado and olives. We will lower our carb intake to 25% of our diet and up the protein to slightly more than maybe most of us are used to round out the final 25%. The idea is that this is a temporary place to be this is not permanent. We will stay with this for two weeks, following the menu outlined (and if you're me you'll make some adjustments to suit you), eat only when hungry and stop when satisfied. Way way trickier than it sounds if like most women you are an emotional eater.

How many times did I stuff down tears with a brownie or twelve? And don't we almost always celebrate with cake? This plan is asking us not only to shift the kinds of foods we are eating it's asking us to make some lifestyle shifts and look within.

I know, that's where the hard work really is. You are going to have to look into the dark hidden corners of yourself and rather than stuff down the tears or anger or fear with a bag of chips or a half ton of mashed potatoes, really breathe into those feelings without judgement and ask why? Why am I feeling this way? What do I really want or need? And is there a healthy way to move through this and let it go rather than just shove it down further so that it keeps popping up at the most inconvenient of times?? I want you to take a look at this tracker.

I'm not sure you can read the bottom, if not go HERE to download it.
It is asking you to log specific things like: Did you do your daily 5 minute stress reduction in the morning and at night? Did you take a little stroll after your meal? Did you do your joyful movement? What about your pre-bedtime routine?

This may all seem abstract or silly. You may be thinking, I don't have time for that shit on top of all the prepping and cooking I now have to do in addition to regular daily life. I'm too busy. I'm too stressed. I'm already being pulled in a thousand different directions. Fair enough, but let me ask you this. Are you feeling so stretched thin that you are stuffing down your feelings with a bottle of wine every night, or three very "innocent" protein bars throughout the day because you didn't have time to make something? Or is that handful of chips or bag of gummie bears or twenty three lattes a week serving you well enough that you don't need to think about that stuff?

There is a theme here Noble Reader, so please don't shoot the messenger. If you actually take five quiet minutes to yourself each morning before jumping out of bed and straight onto your mobile device to catch up on emails, texts, IG, FB and all the other bloody initials you've linked into your life, you might actually rediscover some things about yourself. Like maybe you're not hungry first thing in the morning and grabbing that bagel every morning on the way to work no longer serves you. If you eat your meals with mindful intention putting down the fork between bites, you might better be able to determine whether you are actually hungry for the next bite or feel full enough to stop. Dr. Dave is asking you to check in with you. This is a reminder ladies from me to you... You are worth taking care of. Look at yourself in the mirror and say that to yourself. Hear the words and believe them. Go on, do it now. I'll wait - go look into the mirror, look deeply into your own beautifully stunning eyes and and say:

I am worth taking care of.

Did you do it? It's not some silly thing, these words can change your life. I think you're worth it. I'm worth it. The world needs what each of us has to offer, so why not stick around for as long as you're able to and share your gifts and talents from a healthy, radiant body? That's what I want to do. Well of course that and get back into my skinny jeans. Just keepin' it real.

So what about the rest of the month, it's not only going to be us and Dr. Dave. We have a monthly virtue to get to. What would you like to practice this month. Feeling stressed, why not choose PEACE. Been feeling bullied on IG or FB like so many of the lovely ladies in the #tamily have been feeling? Why not choose KINDNESS or COMPASSION as your virtue and show others how to be through your example? If you didn't get up and go to the mirror like I asked you to a second ago, why not select BELIEVE IN MYSELF as your virtue for May? There is no wrong choice here friends. For me? Well I've been working on Belief and faith for a while now and I think that I am finally ready to open up and RECEIVE. Now you might be thinking how is "receive" a virtue? What screwy world are you living in lady? 

You know the expression "it's better to give than to receive?" Now maybe that's true but if the entire world's population was only giving, who would be there to receive? In order for us to know light we must experience dark, to know music there must also exist silence. I have long prided myself on my ability to give to others. Not necessarily gifts or things, but time, friendship, advice, laughter and what have you. I have given freely of myself as a writer. I'm not sure how many of you know of or have seem my tiny film EMPIRE OF DIRT, but that was made from pure love. I did not get paid for that. I do believe I am ready to start receiving. If I go to dinner with a friend and they offer to pay, perhaps I can graciously accept. If some one pays me a compliment I will allow them to rather than deflect it by turning the attention back toward them. I am open to receiving good well-paying work, new friendships, more knowledge, unlimited love and abundance in whatever form that may show up in. So my virtue this month is to RECEIVE.

Lastly I want to add on my May challenge to this post. You know how utterly devoted I am to the phenomenal TRACY ANDERSON, my goal is to continue (obviously) to work out with her Method via streaming but I am also upping/changing my game slightly. If I get a backlash for this I would encourage those folks to read above to the May virtues and choose LOVE. Tracy has a former trainer named Katia Price who has branched out and created a program called Dancebody. I would encourage you to take a look at her website HERE or visit her IG page HERE because like Tracy she has dynamic classes that move you in a unique way that won't create bulk, but she engages the body in a slightly different way that I think for me, after nearly 7 years with Tracy, will be just the additional wake up this old gal needs.

Now you can't do her classes in the virtual world exactly just yet, but each Saturday she offers up a PERISCOPE class for those of us who do not live in New York. So for the month of May I will be working out with both Tracy and Katia and I'm really excited to see what happens.

So there you go folks. A whole lotta links, info and hopefully some inspiration thrown in for good measure. Love you lots and happy to see a few of my ladies from the golden olden days of Mastering the Method. My cup truly runneth over.

xo
Shan

April's Virtue

Hey there. I had to pop in here tonight to share my virtue pick for the month of April. Yes I do realize that we are already a third into the month, but better late than never right?

When I turned the calendar over, there was a photo of a still crystal drop of water on a newly opened spring leaf as the photo for the month and it rang out peace, serenity, tranquility, bliss. So without a thought I penned in Peace as the virtue. However, sometimes the month itself has a way of dictating what I need to practice and as it turns out I needed a bit of Faith. I mean who am I kidding, I can always use more peace, but faith struck a truer chord with me so I am trusting my instincts on it.

As some of you may know, last September my genius and guru-like friend Jackie called me out on my self-deprecating ways, how I always seemed to apologize for my very presence in a room as if I were taking up too much space and how I really didn't appear to believe in myself. I write 'seemed' because it is past tense for me. Not entirely, not all the way, I am not filled to the brim with confidence and courage... yet. But since her suggestion of starting a Believe Jar (if you don't know what that is and are keen to find out, go HERE.) my self worth has shot way up. I can honestly look myself in the mirror and say: You're alright Masters. 

I'm not all the way there yet, perhaps we're never all the way there. Maybe that's the point of life, that in order to evolve and grow, we have to continue to reach deeper within and stretch farther than yesterday. Don't ask me, I'm just a blogger trying to navigate my way through my midlife here okay?

But it was during a recent meeting when I heard some pretty impressive stuff being said -- about me! -- that I became acutely aware that while I may now feel like I am okay, perhaps even enough, I still lack a greater sense of faith and confidence in my own gifts and talents. That's a hard one to confess here in public for anyone in the world to read, but it's true.

The meeting was about a current project of mine that has been an eternity in development, plagued with all matter of setbacks, yet still manages to live and breathe... the producers who optioned the piece were on a conference call with me and our potential new director. I had the worst migraine headache so for the most part I simply lay back and listen and what I heard was astounding. They spoke of me in the most generous of terms paying my work, experience, and abilities a multitude of compliments. It was as if I were not on the line listening. I was instead a fly on the wall overhearing a private conversation and I was blown away. They made me cry. 

I wondered how it was that I had never ever once seen myself in the way they had described me? How was it possible that people whom I respect and admire, who have been in the industry since I was in junior high could say such incredible things... about me? I started to pay closer attention to my self dialogue and I realized that all this time I'd been seeing myself as a novice, having nascent talent that still had miles to go, as an apprentice, as an opening act at best but never the headliner? And worse, how had I not realized that I'd been running this dialogue for the better part of a dozen years. People say I'm an award winning screenwriter and I respond with well sure but...

They tell me that they loved my film and I ask them if they're drunk. Whoa. Some shit's not lining up here. How the heck do we expect to get ahead in this world if deep inside we don't really believe we're worthy? Ask me if I'm capable I'll say hell yeah. Am I diligent? Yep. Dedicated? Of course. But talented? Gifted? Experienced? Deserving? I shrink. I get scared. I feel small. Well that's just no good.

I need to believe in myself all the way, not just that I'm a kind and good person, a loyal friend, someone who is punctual. I am very punctual btw! (maybe just not where getting the monthly virtue out on time is concerned) I need to believe that I am really good at what I do. Is there a learning curve where certain jobs are concerned? You bet your ass there is. But am I willing to apply myself and learn? Damned straight I am. But I will do the work necessary.

So... FAITH it is. Faith in myself as a writer. Faith in my gifts and talents. Faith that all will be well. Faith that great things are on the way for me. Faith that yes, the universe is indeed running on time. And faith that things always have a way of working out. Just like beneath the snow the world seems lifeless, but each winter we have faith that spring will eventually arrive.

So here we go...

The next adventure. Take a look at your own life. Are you doing exactly what you want to be doing? Have you allowed yourself to really dream and imagine what your life could be? Are you standing in your own way? Do you believe that you're unique and the world needs what you've got? If the answer isn't a resounding YES! then perhaps it's time you shone a light into those dark corners and began to cultivate a little faith of your own in that spirit garden you got growing over there. The snow is about to clear people, lets grow more than weeds this year.

xoxo
Shan

Hope In A Jar and The TEN Shamandments

First off that's prob'ly the worst title for a post in blogging history and secondly I have no idea how I am going to tie the two together. Yikes. 

Do people even still blog any more? I am feeling so out of touch with all the new apps and gadgets, I think the new thing is Vlogging - it's like video blogging and then there is this other thing Perisope? Is that right? Wait lemme look it up...

Good thing you aren't reading this in real time it's taken me ages to find it. So it's an app that let's you broadcast live video and let's followers comment in real time. These all seem like really cool things however I am a strictly behind the scenes kind of girl, so if you're looking for videos and live broadcasts about stuff, you will have to look elsewhere as I am old-school. 

He Who Shall Not Be Named calls me a Luddite. I still read books on paper, Yo!

So speaking of books, one of my old time fave girlie-girl books is called Hope In a Jar by Beth Harbison.

Such a cute story that I think would make a great film but this isn't a book review post, I just stole the title because it fits in with my Virtue of the Month for December. Now might be a good time to mention that I am really sick, so I am at home hopped up on cold & flu medication and like that great Prince tune croons -- forgive me if I go astray.

Oh what the hell since we're here, lemme tell you about the book. I'll just give you the cliff notes off the back - A Hilarious touching novel about friendship, Love's Baby Soft perfume, Watermelon Lip Smackers, bad run-ins with Sun-In, and the healing power of "Gee your hair smells terrific." Hope in a jar: We all need it. 

If you're anywhere close in age to me, all of that stuff will ring nostalgic. Oh Sun-In, how orange you turned my tresses. The book is about these two best friends who had a fight in high school and now on the eve of their 20th high school reunion their paths once again cross and hijinx ensue. An amazingly fun beach or holiday read if you're looking for a laugh and some light entertainment.

As an aside, the cosmetics company Philosophy makes a moisturizer called Hope In A Jar, and yeah, I'm not too proud to admit that I tried it after reading the book.

Okay, best be getting on with the post I intended to write.

When the month of October dawned I was determined to make it awesome!

And baby it was! It was the month that I got to fly to New York my favorite city and I got to meet Tracy Anderson, my favorite trainer and hang out with some of the coolest women I have ever met in my life, talk about blessed. The virtue for October was Believe. It became apparent through circumstance and self-reflection that I hadn't really believed in myself so the Believe Jar was born. It worked such wonders in my life that I held it over for November you can check it out HERE. Now it's just a part of daily life. Can't get on with my day until I drop a note in the believe jar.

The fact is, believing in myself has made that much of an impact that it has become one of my ten personal commandments, or what I like to call the Shamandments.  

I'll get there in a second, so stay with me here.

It's one thing to think up a monthly virtue or a behaviour that you'd like to cultivate and write it on the calendar for the month, but it's quite another thing altogether to really live it. Making that believe jar helped me to practice believing in myself in a physical way. I had to physically write down on a piece of paper (yep, Luddite) one thing that I believed about myself every day and add it to the jar. It's hard. If you've never done it I'd suggest trying it. I got my BFF's from the Metamorphosis Social Club (thanks for that Title Nat) Natalia and Sophie to try this with me and they struggled too. It's easy to pick ourselves apart and find fault with who we are, much harder to find nice things to say about ourselves. So, it is a practice I will continue. I will have to empty the jar now tho because it's stuffed to capacity.

It got me thinking about what other virtue I might like to practice in a physical way that would sew some light into my life... and Hope in a Jar was born. Plus what better time to be hoping or making wishes than at Christmastime? 

I also think that hope and belief go hand in hand. For example you might believe that you have potential but what about success? 

You can't fake your way into that. You can't say "I believe I am successful" if the standards by which you measure success (whatever they are) are not being met. But you can hope for success can't you? Hope is a very positive feeling and who couldn't benefit from more positive in their lives right?

So HOPE is my virtue for the month of December.

I feel the need to expound upon this concept a little further and tell you why I chose hope. I believe in the law of attraction - that what we think we become, what we believe we achieve etc. Using positive intention I've attracted a good many things into my life and the evidence of this work has never been more apparent in my life than with the believe jar. I believed myself into a writer's room on a TV show, which has been a long-standing goal for me for the past three or four years and I even made it a new years resolution for 2015. I'm in a room and could not be happier! 

But if I may backtrack a little, year and years ago, my best friend Yania was single, had been through her share of rotten relationships and she'd just lost her dad. It was a tough time for her. She could have allowed herself to spiral downward into a very dark and lonely place, but instead she did the work that generated the life of her dreams. She started a journal called Hope for my Partner. In it, she started listing the things that she hoped her potential future mate would have. She hoped that he'd have a love of the outdoors, that his enjoyment of physical activity might spark her own, that he'd have sparkly eyes that crinkled at the corners when he smiled (I dunno if that was actually a hope) but the man she attracted, the guy who is now her husband and the father of her child has these remarkable blue eyes that transform his whole face when he smiles and yeah, he trained the Austrian snow board team - the guy is super sporty and outdoorsy.

The point is that it worked! Her "hopes for my partner" journal really worked. Yan if you're reading this, I hope I didn't bastardize the story too badly - can I have a pass on account of the cold meds??

So don't tell my Manager or my Agent this, but when I was looking for representation both in LA and here in Toronto - I did the same thing. Hopes for my Manager, Hopes for my Agent - I hoped that they'd love the work they did, hoped they'd see the potential in my voice and be eager to match that with other creative types etc. So you may have guessed I not only have reps but I love them! Like love love them! They rock. When I hear other people complain about how shitty their agent is, or how they don't do squat for them (hey I used to be that writer) I just say nope, I love my agent, she's the absolute best. Because she is as I hoped she would be - she's simply amazing.  

So... Hope in a Jar this month anyone? Who's with me? Imagine what we ca dream up together. It's going to be fabulous. Let me start early by saying I hope I feel better by tomorrow so I can get back into the writer's room and not make anyone else sick! Yikes.

Hopes and beliefs, it's a pretty weak segue into the Shamandments but nevertheless that's what's next.

If you're a reader who's been with me for any length of time, you'll no doubt be familiar with the Shamandments from Mastering The Method -  THIS is where they all started with Gretchen Rubin's book The Happiness Project. They grew into more than five and revolved mostly around my workouts with the Method. But since then I have grown and evolved - like you do - and I thought it was high time to update those personal commandments.

There's this amazing quote by Steve Jobs that says: 

"Your time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

I just love that. But you need to think about it, you need to consider what your own heart says, what rules does it want you to live by so that you can be your most authentic self. I came up with some rules that suite me. Feel free to steal, use or borrow any of the following and make them your own, nobel reader.

The NEW Ten Shamanments

1) Be Shannon (This is Gretchen's golden rule, mine too with good reason, don't try to be somebody else you'll never find happiness there)

2) Find a reason every day to believe in myself

3) Write it down (that's the tricky part because it makes you actually have to put number two into practice)

4) Act the way I want to feel (I think this is also one of Gretchen's rules)

5) No being a hateful meanie to myself

6) Do my best and forget the rest (I think this dove-tails nicely with #1)

6) Make it my own. Whether it's my workout, my diet, my look or my life, personalize it to suit me and then I can own it)

7) Let love be the boss of me rather than fear

8) Set achievable goals. It's the first step to self improvement.

9) Remain humble no matter what your achievements or successes, simple living leads to higher thinking.

10) Feed the hunger in my belly, not in my head. (This is a holdover from the original rules, I kept it because I need to practice it daily. Emotional eating is a killer and we need to be vigilant.)

So that's it, that's all. Welcome to December (well nearly) I'm going back to bed. I do realize that this isn't my most eloquent or well-written post but you have my good intentions and all of my heart. Hope to see you again soon.

xo
Shan