This life ain't easy...

It's been a while since I've written because I've just not been moved to show up and do it. I've been a bit of a drop out lately. But before I get to that, I must tell you of the miracle that occurred at my house this morning. A genuine bonafide miracle I tell you.

Not a morning person me. Also so not a cardio person. You may or may not have heard of Live Streaming with Tracy Anderson. Most of you here have because we're all TAMMERS (Tracy Anderson Method Users) but in the event that you haven't - essentially Tracy does a master class in her studio each week and it's filmed every Wednesday and made available to those of us who are just mad enough to want to take our fitness challenge to the next level. So we're able to have the same experience of doing a class with Tracy in real time, same as her studio clients - only we get to do it from the comfort of our own homes for a whole lot less money. In any case - each Wednesday the workout that you did the previous week will disappear and you're given a brand new class to do for a week. But I absolutely fell in love with last week's class. I cannot explain how or why this happened, but the first 20 minutes of this class has the best music ever and it's super dancey - almost like a beginner hip-hop modern dance combo - with added weight for the second half of that 20 minutes.

Sound crazy? It kind of is. But knowing it would be gone today. I (me the girl who hates to dance almost more than getting up in the morning) set my alarm, got up early and got my dance on! Holla! Yes I did. He Who Shall Not Be Named was like: "What the hell is happening? Are you dancing? Is it morning? Who are you?"

So yes, it's official - Tracy Anderson has performed a miracle! You read it here first people!

Part of the reason I'm so attached might actually be the music - this song most especially.

Something about this song makes me want to lose myself in the music and in the dance that Tracy has put together for her week 5 class. But it's more than that. It's this promise that we (the girl in the song and whomever she is singing to - in this case, me) don't have to be ordinary. We could be Heroes.

Why does that resonate? Because life has been really hard lately, for so fucking many people that I love, people that I care for, family, friends and co-workers.

Here is the abridged version of events as they've swirled around me, each touching my life in a whole host of ways. Three people that I care about, one being my Aunt, another a dear colleague and the third, an online friend -- each got a cancer diagnosis. It hurts to see those lovely women have to suffer while all you can do is stand by and pray, hold out a hand, offer a hug or kind word.

A couple very close to me whom I love with all of my heart are really going through a rough time. Not being in their marriage I cannot speak to what has happened, or why, or what the eventual out come will be - but I can say this. As  person who loves them, it would be a whole hell of a lot easier if I could just pick a side and make the other one the bad guy. But I cannot. I can absolutely see this sad situation from each of their points of view. I can offer a shoulder, an ear, some words of comfort and support but I cannot help them through this or out of it - it's like winter -- the only way out of it and into spring is through it, they must endure. It's hard on them, on me, but even harder on their children who want so desperately for the world to be black and white and it simply is not.

If that's not enough, the book store that I work at part time is closing its doors. The announcement was made this week. This isn't bad news for me - I am a writer - this was a part time gig for me. But I cannot help but think of my managers, one most especially because his wife is expecting a baby in a month. What will he do? Where will he go? There are a couple of older employees who have been there for decades. What about them? This is how they support themselves and soon that place they felt at home in will no longer be.

Sad. Sad. Sad. But there is a takeaway from all of this.

At any moment in this life we can lose our health, the love of our lives, or our livelihood. This world, it's temporary. It just makes my mantra - my virtue of the this month so much more potent. Seize the day. Live in the now. Reach for happy feeling thoughts. Do things that make you feel good with people that you love. Support and care for one another. Take the time to listen, to communicate with everything and everyone around you because none of us knows how long we got or how much time we have with each other. Think about it.

So yeah, that's why I've been MIA. I've had a heavy heart. Part of what's been keeping me going is what some may think of as a silly exercise program - but it's so much more than that. It's a life line to health, to a community of really caring women who are dedicated to being there for their families and each other, it's a commitment to my own good health and on the days where the world just feels like it's all too much and I want to break down and weep... Tracy Anderson bounces onto the screen, she smiles and she works me out. She teaches me new moves and shows me my power. For that one hour a day that I take for myself - I feel worthy of self-love and self-care so that I can be there and offer that love and care to the people around me.

Life is fragile - please take care of yours.
xox
Shan