New Month, New Mood

Well hey there Masterina's. 

Is that a dumb name to call the readers of Mastering My Midlife? Masterina's. I dunno, it seems fitting for right now, let's just go with it shall we?

And going with it is exactly what I want to talk to you about this month. It's November 1st, which means, new month - new mood, new attitude. Autumn is in full swing and I'm feeling like I need to publicly bring back my virtue of the month and for November, I've chosen...

DISPASSIONATE

It means to not be influenced by strong emotion, and so able to be rational and impartial. In other words, no matter what's going on, if you're dispassionate, it means you're able to go with the flow (in my brain anyway).

We mere months away from the end of 2018 and I for one cannot wait to get it over with. That's something I rarely do, wish away time like that, but this year has been hard yo. I feel like we have been asked to surrender to within in an inch of our lives and sanity. I don't know about you, but I've been stretched thin, worn out, feeling used and abused and like I'm the butt of some great cosmic joke and I have not gone gently into that good nite, no sirree. I have not wanted to surrender. Seems every single hill I have stood upon this year was the hill I was prepared to die on - meaning I was constantly picking one battle or the next.

And I'm tired.

Happy to report that I'm finally feeling more human since I was taken over by vertigo in April. I'm not dizzy anymore and my heart is rhythmic for the first time in what feels like four years and I'm being fed creatively. So on that front, all should be well with me right?

Not so much. I've gained a bunch of weight from not being able to exercise and trying to eat everything in site to build up my blood. That's first. Next, I've had a creative parting of the ways with a team of people that I greatly admired and I'm sad to see that our project together will not have legs.  I've been over looked for jobs because there were no Indigenous storylines and at the same time I've been put forward for EVERYTHING with Indigenous storylines regardless of whether the shows are a good fit or not. I feel like I've been in a box this whole year. Or like I have been buried alive.

But now I'm here to say that I don't think that's the actual case. I think perhaps I was planted and now I am starting to grow. We all have. If you feel like this year has been super hard and ass-kicky too, that things have felt all dark and gloomy and you just wanted to pump your fist and rage against the injustices of the world, you're not alone. I feel like the universe has been culling things from our lives to make room for better stuff, nicer people, greater more fulfilling lives. It's been taking things away from us knowing that those things would NOT ultimately serve us or our hopes and dreams.

And while at times it has felt as though we've been trying to crest the wave of a tsunami only to wind up pummelled into a rocky shore, left to pick through the wreckage of 2018, that wave has cleared a bunch of shit away and we can now - dare I say it - start to rebuild.

Rebuild a body with health and vitality. Rebuild a career with people who empower us. Rebuild relationships with love and compassion. And be strong enough to face a world that sometimes feels cruel and ugly and violent and stupid and wrong and evil and dark. We can now stand, stripped down to the bare bone, in our truth and be our best light-generating, way-leading selves.

AND another thing... We can also see through the garbage that used to trip us up. We have stronger bullshit meters. We're less likely to be doormats. And we do not have to take the emotional rollercoaster ride for anything. Things can go wrong and we'll survive, really awesome stuff can happen and we don't have to get so caught up in the success that we forget what's important. We can be more like the ancient Stoics. We can be what? What can we be now that we've been through this baptism of fire that's been 2018?

That's right... DISPASSIONATE. We can be cool, even keel and rosy.

This will also allow us to see ourselves in a brand new way, perhaps give us the insight to see ourselves the way others see us. Or love ourselves exactly as we are, flaws and all.

Allow me to give you a tangible example of what I mean and this was a real eye-opener.

One year ago - November 2017 I decided that over the holiday I was going to grow out my grey hair to see what was beneath all that color. I gathered some images of silver sisters for inspiration, went away to a cottage and had at it.

Once the holidays were over, I got back to the city, had to go back to the writer's room and I hated my hair. It was ugly, old, uncool, etc. etc.

Cut to three months later being laid out on the bathroom floor with vertigo waiting for the color to process in my hair, hoping I'd be able to rinse it out before I barfed. What was THAT madness? I made the decision to try again. Once my next writing gig was up - I was going to take the summer and (sing it) Let it grow, let it grow... 

Now, as many of you already know it has not been an easy journey. I have gone back and forth and back and forth. Wanting to color it, thinking it's fine, hating it to bits and back again.

Yesterday I was looking through some old photos and kept seeing all these pictures of myself with dark hair and I immediately wanted to call my stylist to make this grey nightmare end. But then it occurred to me - maybe I could look at some of those early photos that made me want to embark on this journey in the first place. I mean if I could be swayed to want to go back to dyed hair by a mere image, perhaps said image could persuade me to stay the course. So I started looking and a crazy thing happened... I saw myself... and my hair in a whole new light because it was looking very similar to an image of someone's hair that I LOVED. We didn't look so different.

I'd had one or two friends say they liked how my grey was coming in. He Who Shall Not Be Named said he liked it too. Yet somehow I could not see what they saw until I revisited that photo. Now I'd like to ask you to look...

This is a pretty darned dynamic example of how sometimes the story in our heads blurs out the reality of what is right in front of us. We get so attached to the drama, the heartache, the stress, the idea that we've been clinging to that we can't see that the storm has passed, that we survived, we triumphed, we're beautiful, we made it etc. 

If this year has taught me anything, it's taught me to not believe everything I think (words to live by, am considering having them tattooed onto my forehead), it's taught me to let go and let God, and for heaven's sake the biggest lesson of all is THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Don't get so worked up over it.

So, together, this November - let's be dispassionate. And, November 1st is world vegan day - so why not try going vegan for the month. It won't kill you, in fact it will save the lives of several animals and you don't have to do it alone.

Go to Veganuary and take the pledge. They'll help you out and you don't have to wait until January. Plus going vegan gives you great skin - in case you needed a little extra motivation.

Loads of love,
Shan

Sticking with it...

Hello beauties,

Thanks again for your support, wisdom and kind words on my last post about transitioning to silver hair. It's been a fascinating journey to be sure and far from over. There were so many times during the past few months - but this last month especially - that I wanted to run screaming to my stylist and shout "make it stop!" I hate my hair. Hate these grey roots. I feel ugly. I feel old. This is stupid.

I continue to read stories of liberation, self-love and healthy locks on IG and I simply don't share that experience. It hasn't felt wonderful or liberating or great. I've googled and YouTubed and Pinterested myself into a frenzy of back and forth - Keep it, color it, keep it, color it. Not even one day to the next, but quite literally minute to minute. This transition was making me so crazy one dear friend suggested that it seemed to be an energy drain and that perhaps now simply wasn't the right time.

I agreed, yes now is the wrong time. Maybe I can try again in another ten years or so, but the very idea of going back to the dye bottle bi-monthly absolutely made my skin crawl.

One tiny bonus of this process is that I have little hairs beginning to grow back where my hair has been thinning for years. It's not major, I'll likely never go back to the glorious thick mane I had in my 20's, but it's still promising. Not to mention the fact that I'm no longer responsible for washing all those nasty chemicals down the drain. One noble reader pointed that out to me and it was an aha moment for real. As an animal advocate and environmental steward I hated the idea that I was using a product that you just know had to be tested on animals at some point, or that was polluting our water supply each time it washed down the sink.

So for those reasons and more, here I am. I'm four months in, I'm armed with a few new role models and quite honestly I feel like I'm part of a rebellion of sorts, and I still have silver roots.

It's going to take much longer than I'd ever imagined. I mean in the back of my head I'd always assumed it would be around 3 ish years, but to get the style and length I'm after it'll likely be closer to 4-5 years. My god that's a long time. On the other hand, on the shy side it's 48 months, because my hair is so dark and roots show so quickly, I was coloring every two weeks which means that's 96 boxes of dye that I don't need to buy. At a minimum of an hour to prep, color and rinse, that's 4 days of my life I've spared from coloring. Cool, huh?

And hopefully, one day, I'll eventually look in the mirror, see that silver next to my face and it will look normal and like me. At the moment it still doesn't but that's okay. Maybe I'm getting to know a new me.

One thing I did do, and would highly recommend if you're trying to grow out your grey hair and are struggling - I got a precision cut. I'm going to ditch the layers and go for more of an "all one length" style. I also had my stylist tone out the brassy summer sun from the ends and somehow, it's made my hair look more uniform which is shocking considering the drastic difference between light and dark. But I'm more settled in my decision now.

I feel like I may almost be able to forget about it for a while which would be a welcome relief. And on those rotten days when I look in the mirror and don't love my reflection, there's always a good hat to be worn.

This process isn't easy (for me) but I'm counting on it being worth it in the end.

Big hugs,

Shan

We NEED to have this conversation...

Ladies, I'm conflicted.

Deeply conflicted. On the surface, what's vexing me may seem like a shallow topic; hair color... I mean with everything that's going on in our world today, who cares about hair color? We watch the news. There are forest fires raging, mass shootings, global warming, Harvey Weinstein accusers being accused themselves, and don't even get me started on factory farming and animal agriculture - ugh will there ever be good news?

Then you turn to your email inbox and find a blog post from me moaning about hair color, should you even care? If you're a woman, I think you'll wanna discuss this with me because I'm not talking about - Should I go lighter? Get highlights? Or go red? I'm talking about stepping off the color wheel altogether. There is a pretty hardcore double standard out there against women going grey.

Don't believe me? Check out this ARTICLE about Celebrities who have confessed to covering up their silver strands. First of all "confess" like it's a sin and second the tag line reads: See which stars admit to having -- and hiding -- their grays. Like it's some dirty little secret. It obviously shouldn't be, but it is.

Frankly I have so much to say on the subject that I don't even know where to begin. You might wanna pause here, go grab a coffee or make a cup of tea and settle in because gurl, we got stuff to talk about.

I come from a culture where we respect old age and wisdom, especially in women. Our grandmothers are our knowledge keepers. I can hear my dad now saying "respect your elders". In fact if I sass him, he still says it to me now and I'm a grown ass woman. Then there's my mom. My mom embraced her silver tresses in her mid-forties and she rocked it. She's gorgeous. She was never ashamed of her grey hair.  So what's the problem? I should be build for this transition, no?

Well, I work in an industry where youth is worshipped and age is almost reviled. (If you're not up to speed, I write for film and television) And while I'm not in front of the camera, people still seem more interested in a young "fresh" perspective. If you seem old, they become afraid that you're out of touch, out of date or not current somehow. As if the wisdom of your years or your life experience doesn't make you a great writer. Which sort of stinks because it doesn't seem to be that way with other types of writing I don't think. Or maybe it is and I'm just not privy to it. Luckily for me, I still look pretty youthful so I get by.

Anyway - that's only really part of the discussion. Let me give you some backstory.

A year or two ago, I was cruising through Pinterest as you do when you're procrastinating instead of working, and I came across the image of a woman who I came to later learn was model Sam Gold. This is that image.

And I thought, wow. When I grow up, I want to be her. 

So then I began wondering, how old is old enough? The general consensus seems to be after 50. I discussed it at length with He Who Shall Not Be Named, and he agreed, sometime after 50 it would be okay, but not really now. Now seems too soon.

I toyed with the idea some more. I reached out to my trusted and beloved stylist Natalia in Vancouver, just to see what she thought. She's an award winning competitive colorist. She took care of my hair for over seven years when I lived out west, if anyone could give me sound advice, it would be her. She said she didn't think it would be a good idea. It would be too high maintenance if I colored it silver and I am not a high-maintenance hair girl, and if I elected to grow it, it would be a long and painful transition. So the resounding answer was no.

Hmm. 
I wondered, should I get a second opinion? I had found a colorist here in Toronto whom I adored. We were together for a year and a half before she moved away, but we'd stayed in touch. So I texted her and asked, should I go grey? I got a "hell no", it's not you. Okay. I sat with that.

Still not satisfied, I went to my then current stylist and had her pick through my tresses to look at the roots I'd let peek through and said, what do you think about me transitioning to grey? Again I got a no. You're too young. It will age you by more than ten years. Don't do it. She was kind of a chatty hair dresser - like it would take me hours just to get a cut so I messaged Natalia and asked for a recommendation and she suggested I try a friend of hers - also a competitive award winning colorist. 

She gave me a fantastic hair cut. But I didn't dare ask her about transitioning. Not on our first meeting. I let the subject die for a while.

Now at this point, you may be thinking, of course your hairdressers are going to say don't do it, they make a living off of you, but that isn't the case. I go for cuts mostly and only ever get my hair color-corrected about once a year. The rest of the time, I box color. The reason for that? I have to color on average every two weeks. EVERY TWO WEEKS PEOPLE.

You're now seeing why I'm so curious to stop this hamster wheel of dying aren't you?

Over this past Christmas I had a hiatus from the show I was working on. He Who Shall Not Be Named, his mom and I got together at a cottage in the woods for the holidays and I decided it would be a good time to experiment. I let my hair grow for six weeks then asked them what they thought. Both my beloved and my mother-in-law said nope. Doesn't suit you. You're much too young. You have such lovely dark hair.

When we got home, I covered the roots and thought whew, yes. This looks better. Dodged a bullet there. What the hell was I thinking. I'm not ready to go grey for crying out loud. 

But then several boxes of dye later, back in the cycle of coloring every two damned weeks - I got hit with vertigo. It wasn't until I found myself dizzy as fuck, on the bathroom floor, ready to barf at any second - waiting for the timer to ding so I could wash the dye out that I though - Shan, what the hell are you doing? This isn't right! Was I so vain that I could quite literally be on my death bed but I'd still drag my sorry butt to the bathroom to color my hair?

Once I got feeling better, I went back to my "new" stylist for a cut and I tried again. Hey, I'm nothing if not persistent. And guess what, noble reader? She said no. I had let my roots grow in for about three weeks so she was able to see what was going on. Her opinion was that I was again - too young - and I was much too salt-and-pepper. I wasn't white enough. What? 

That was new. I had been convinced that I was like 90% grey, but I guess that's not the case. I still had quite a bit of dark hair.  Right then and there in the chair, I decided out loud that I would let it grow. She laughed and said see you in a few months for a color. She told me I would hate it. It won't be what I think it is. It will be course and frizzy and like "witch hair". 

Witch hair? Omg, is that what we think of when we think of grey hair?  Grannies and witches?

It kind of is.

In any case, I thought maybe my stylist could be wrong. I could love it.  I knew I had the upcoming summer off to work on some projects I have in development. I didn't have to go anywhere or see anyone - I could wear big floppy sunhats - it's the perfect time. Then by September in time for the Toronto International Film Festival, I could make a decision. Keep it, or color it.

Oh, if only it were that simple.

No my lovelies - it's become an obsession and I literally flip flop back and forth on a daily basis. I'm driving He Who Shall Not Be Named crazy!

When I committed to doing this the second time around, this time for real, I had a new mindset. I was "ready" or so I though. I ran through my life in my mind's eye and thought you know, in my twenties I was a riot girl. I did things randomly and spur of the moment. I ran off and joined a cruise ship to travel the world, I followed a boy to America, I lived in a yoga ashram - I was doing what you're supposed to do when you're young and wild. I was young and wild. Sorry mom.

Then in my thirties I began to try to figure out who I was. If my twenties were about seeking outward adventure, my thirties became about introspection. I continued with the ashram thing into my thirties where I met my one true love and later fully committed to who I wanted to be - I was a writer. So I set about working my ass off, nose to the grind-stone as they say - doing what you do in your thirties and making my way in the world. Now in my forties, I want to embrace them the same way. Really embody this mid-life thing. I could still be vibrant and spontaneous, but I also know more of who I am, I've had a tiny bit of success and my life is better than it has ever been.

I wanted to embrace all that 40 could offer - and grey hair seemed part of that package. It was truly grey so why not be my fully authentic self? Hell yes! I started going on YouTube and finding all these amazing women I have come to learn call themselves the #silversisters. They were like this glorious white, silver and grey sorority of every age and background you could imagine all rocking their grey. I then found this kickass chick on IG who started a page called Grombre which gave me tons of inspiration to fuel myself on the inevitable bad days.

Mostly, women talk about how liberating it is. I have three good friends who did it long before me and they all love their hair, the choice they made, the freedom in being color-free and true to who they are. They embody their inner goddesses.

I spoke to a couple of silver sisters in the dog park - both of whom encouraged me to go for it, said I'd love it and will look great once it grows in. 

Of course I spoke with my mom. I asked her how she did it. How she felt about it and what she thought and she was 100% on board with my transition. All good stuff, right? So what's the problem, you ask? Why am I conflicted? Why do I so desperately need to talk to you about this and hear from you about it?

Because overwhelmingly the world still sees grey hair as old and the truth of the matter is that my last hairdresser, the stylist who's chair I made this decision to transition in was right! I kind of hate it. I don't want people to see it. I wear my hats everywhere. I feel embarrassed about it and I feel old.

Ugh, really? Maybe I can find something else for my forties to be about and this can be a fifties thing??

But on the good days, I love the light in it, how it sparkles in a way my dark hair never did. It's a much cooler tone now because my  dark hair is a cool dark, near black color and I'd been coloring it all more of a warmer espresso brown for decades. But I'll be dead honest, it's at a hideous stage. I knew this day would come and I know it's going to last for well over a year or two - it will likely take three years to get it where I want it to be, but I don't know if I have the stones to see it through.

Sure, there are options. People add highlights and lowlights to blend it in, but to me that never looks good. You get a sort of bloronge color which is like a blond that goes brassy and orange. It looks fake.

But my mom made an excellent point the other day - She asked, do you really want to be a sixty-year-old lady who has fake dyed hair? No I do not, but sixty is miles away. Could I not embrace the grey in my fifties - late fifties even? Am I hitting this a decade or fifteen years too soon? But if I wait, then I will be 90% grey and won't the transition be even harder then? Especially because my skin will age too?

I'd like to look like Sam Gold when I AM fifty, not spend my fifties going through this hell of a transition.

However - There are people whom I admire greatly who swear they will never transition. People like my beloved Norma Kamali.

I actually might want to be like Norma even more than I want to be like Sam!
But I also want to be me.

So this is the conflict. I love it when I see a stylish woman rocking her grey. I love my mom's hair. But the truth is, I may not actually like it on me - yet I am not ready to throw in the towel yet. In fact, I read this quote from a twenty-something beauty who went grey - 
She had this to say: 

"Why don't you dye it?" My favorite question. Next comes my oversimplified answer, because two trips to the salon per month is way too expensive. If you've embraced your gray, you know that's just a sliver of the truth. The real answer is because I started graying before I was ten and wasn't that much too young to stress over aging? Because I don't want to miss how my gray hair changes over the years. Because so many women in my life want to go natural but are shamed into dying it by their spouse... or their friends... or even their mom. Because I no longer subscribe to the notion that, for women, as essential part of aging is disguising your age. Because after 10 years of dying my hair, I've come to realize that the color that looks best on me is the one growing out of my head. Because this is really me, and can't the real me be beautiful too?"


Okay, do you love this girl as much as I do!? She's hella wise beyond her years. And she looks great with grey hair BTW. She's on the @grombre site on IG.

We do get shamed for grey. People say things like "She really let herself go" or "look at that skunk line" (I happen to think skunks are a super cute animal if anyone cares but don't want to be called a skunk). Then there's the whole Cruella De Vil baddie.

I don't want to post a picture of my hair on here because I don't want the discussion to be about what I look like. Because regardless of how it looks or how it might look on me - I'd really truly love to hear your honest thoughts and opinions on transitioning to grey hair in general. Nay, I NEED to hear your thoughts. 

Do you feel boxed in, and forced to color? Do you just like the way your colored hair feels after it's colored? Have you let your hair grow out and love it? Hate it? Have you ditched the dye or are you dye-hard.

Please have this discussion with me by commenting below. 

Thanks loves,
Shan

I'm back... And still loving LEK!

Guys it's been such a long road and I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm finally feeling well enough and strong enough to start doing full studio classes with LEK again. After nine weeks of vertigo, I was wiped out. And still treating the underlying condition of anemia, I had a ways to go before I could get back into the swing of working out for more than ten or fifteen minutes at a time. Thank goodness Lauren offers little shortie classes and add-on's on her site, am I right?

After starting with last week's class (July 25/18) only doing the first 20 minutes for three days I eventually got brave enough to try the whole class and it was terrific. The first day I did it, it took everything I had so I need a rest day in between. Then I was able to tackle it again and got through with flying colors. I loved it so much, I hated to move on to the new class (August 1/18) but... new month, new attitude, new class. I have to say, I can tell right off the bat that this is going to be one of those classic workouts that I will revisit again and again long after the next week's class comes up.

It starts off in a very gentle, wake your body up kind of way. Moving and stretching with your body's own rhythms. Then it moves into a ballet vibe, with strong control over every movement. Nothing is wasted as Lauren takes you through a series of leg exercises that work the legs and core beautifully. The workout takes on a bit of a burlesque feel. I haven't felt well, so needless to say I've not been feeling too sexy, but the workout woke up my inner goddess and got me in touch with my sensual core. 

Nothing fancy here, no gimmicky, over-complicated moves, no props, or too hard to complete movements. The best part, is I rarely even had to look at the screen because our brilliant teacher talked us all the way through everything.

It was smooth and jazzy, then built to a funky finish with great energy.

I am so glad to be back. Able to move my body. And delighted to have such a great platform to do that.

Hope you're all doing well. Enjoying whatever movement you're into and loving this beautiful summer.

Love,
Shan

The Diary of an Anemic Vegan

I can't tell you how much I hate being called anemic. I feel like I'm giving all vegans a bad name. Like this label I've been saddled with gives fuel to the argument against plant based diets. But it's a misconception. I was anemic long before I turned into a herbivore. So I'm here to set the record straight and to share the steps I've been taking to turn this low-iron-stores ship around.

Much of the following account is true, some of it may be imagined or deduced from a life-time of clues, but all of it is how I see the situation. I don't have a ton of childhood memories, the ones I do have are very specific, but I'm not the person who is going to be telling you the shoes I had on to the first day of school, or my first grade-school crush, or even what I dreamed I'd grow up to become. But I can tell you that my mom ate a lot of grapefruit for breakfast when I was growing up. She had a special spoon with a jagged edge on it for just such an endeavour. 

Okay, I admit, that is a weird memory, even for me and I pride myself on being a bit of a weirdo. But I guess it's no more strange than remembering the twister exercise board she used to work out on. Anyhoo - I digress.

I'm pretty sure that I have a memory from childhood wherein I was made to drink some kind of iron supplement. It was horrible. I'd have to ask my mom, maybe she'd remember, but she's got a memory that's about as unreliable as mine. What I'm saying here is that I think my little body has always had difficulty absorbing iron.

Now knowing, years later, that I am gluten intolerant, it makes perfect sense. I was an especially fussy eater who lived on Kraft Dinner Mac and Cheese, perogies, sandwiches (on whole wheat bread because my mom was trying to get some nutrients into me, bless her) pasta and cold pizza. It was a feast of gluten. I wasn't absorbing any nutrients at that point, no matter what I ate.

At the ripe old age of 18 or 19 I became a vegetarian and switched to an almost entirely carb based diet. Without knowing how to create balanced meals I just cut out meat and ate as I had before.  Throughout my adult years I'd often have my iron levels checked and they'd always come in low, but about  8 years ago, those levels were at a nasty level of low. Now iron levels can vary depending on your sex and age and a number of other factors. My doctor said it would be ideal for me to have a level of around 75. That's what she wanted to see, but she would have been happy to have me get up around 30-50. In that last 8 year period, the highest I've gotten was up to 28. Generally I range from between 7 to 14. It's not great. I'm tired all the time. I'm hypothyroid too so I get extra tired. But at the end of April when I got struck with "The Vertigo" - that's how I like to refer to it - THE VERTIGO - giving it its own special title - the Doc and the acupuncturist both attributed it to my long term extremely low ferritin stores. Something had to be done.

I worried if it was because I was vegan, but not so. Apparently I have "The Fibroids" a common condition for we women as we hit mid-life. Great. Just another reason to love aging. I don't know a whole lot about fibroids other than they grow, they make you bleed, A LOT, and they suck. I'll be going to see a specialist later in July to find out more. Bottom line, even if I was chowing down on steaks and burgers I would still be anemic because I am losing more blood than I can make. 

And for me - adding meat to my diet simply isn't an option so what's a girl to do? Build her blood the plant-based way and that's what I've done. I have completely overhauled my diet - including adding back sugar which I have been strictly OFF for a couple of years now. More on that in a bit.

I wasn't sure how to tackle this post when lovely noble reader Kate said she'd be curious to hear more about how I'm building my blood. So I think the easiest way will be two fold. The first being a list of foods that are high in iron - the ones we anemics should be having EVERY DAY - yep you read it here folks - you should be eating iron loaded foods daily.

And the second is how I typically include these foods in my daily diet.

Still before that - I want to say that it doesn't matter one bit if you follow this list to a Tee and eat it daily if you are not absorbing it - so make sure you're getting vitamin C in at every meal as C helps with the absorption of plant-based irons and check your gut health. Are you sensitive to gluten? Lactose intolerant? Are you eating foods that are causing inflammation in your body and therefore unable to absorb any of the nutrients from the food you consume? The best way to find out is to go clean for three weeks. Follow Dr. Junger's Clean program to see what you may not be tolerating.

Once you're gut is in tip top shape then you'll be able to take in all the benefits of a nutrient-rich diet.

Okay - so, what foods are high in iron? Remember, this is not an exhaustive list because I've only included plant-based sources. But my favorites are:

You don't even have to read this list, at a glance you can see a theme - dark leafy greens, richly colored fruits and veggies and nuts and seeds.

My go-to, try to get it in me everyday foods are:
Spinach 
Beets
Brown Rice
Lentils
Pumpkin Seeds
and two things that you'll note are missing from that photo -
Blackstrap Molasses and Dark Chocolate.

Remember how I mentioned earlier that sugar has made a reappearance in my life? It's for a good cause. Blackstrap molasses and dark chocolate both have sugar. There's nothing you can do about the amount of sugar in molasses, but just one tablespoon of organic blackstrap molasses contains 14.3 grams of iron. That's 21.45% of your daily intake! So it's worth it and so far hasn't trigged the sugar monster in me. Dark chocolate on the other hand has been a bit of a slippery slope as not all bars of chocolate are created equal. I stick to the dark dark chocolate and organic brands. Ones like Endangered Species and Alter Eco. I try to keep to the ones that contain between 4 and 7 grams of sugar.

So how the heck do you get a tablespoon of molasses in you daily? Why drink it of course. So here's the other thing you need to know when building your blood. You can't get the iron in you if you don't have something to help absorb it - like vitamin C, but you also can't get it if you're consuming things that block or inhibit iron absorption. And this is the bad news. This is the news that will make you hate me and want to stop reading. All the good stuff we love to drink - green tea, black tea, coffee, wine, pretty much all booze really - they all inhibit absorption. So when you're building your blood - you have to commit to getting off that stuff. Once you build up your stores a little bit - then you can drink those things at alternate times. So not with meals basically.

Now - back to drinking molasses. Had to give up my tea and coffee but still wanted a hot drink so... I have hot water. About 160 degrees - def not boiling. I add a healthy squeeze of lemon, which is really good for digestion just on it's own, but then I stir in one tablespoon of blackstrap molasses and voila - my morning warm beverage. It does take a wee bit of getting used to, but now I even put it in my travel mug and drink it at work. It's helping me feel better and...

Hidden benefit! It is rich in a ton of other minerals and no word of a lie - as I'm starting to grow out my grey hair, it's looking a whole lot less grey than it did six months ago. I'm not joking. I think it's helping my body actually produce more melanin. Sounds crazy, but it seems to be the case. I'll keep you posted. But hey if your health can't motivate you, perhaps vanity will?

I used to live on smoothies in the morning. I do still have them occasionally, because it's a great way to pack in your spinach, dark berries, prunes and other iron rich foods, not to mention that my Sun Warrior Protein powder has a ton of iron in it - I've switched things up and am now more often having gluten free oatmeal. One serving (43 grams) contains 2 mg of iron which translates into 11.28 percent of your daily intake. Not bad. And it's pretty low in calories so if you're watching your weight, it's a good way to go. My shakes can run up to 450-500 calories easy.

Lunch might be a serving of brown rice with red lentils, raw orange or red pepper (thrown in for vitamin C and a nice little added crunch) and I might top it with sauteed spinach and roasted cauliflower or steamed broccoli. That puts me well over the 50% mark for the day.

I'm not a huge bean fan. I find it hard to incorporate them into meals but I have a new trick. Check this out. If you mash a 1/2 cup of black beans with a bit of salsa, then spread it on a piece of gluten free toast with mashed avocado - it's a vegan Mexican iron-rich party on a plate.

Are you a hummus fan? I can't stand the stuff. But I have learned that you can use chick peas to make a vegan  tuna salad. OMG! It's amazing.
Mash 1/2 a cup of rinsed and drained chickpeas. Add some veganaise, a tablespoon of dijon, finely chopped celery, green onions and dill pickle (I'm not joking it's the pickle that makes this), and whip it all together with a squeeze of lemon (gotta get that C in there), then stuff it into a fresh warm soft corn tortillas and top 'em with spinach - they are to die for. An absolute fave.

And dinner can be all sorts depending on the mood - but I try to sneak beets in there. Either steamed and cooled over a spinach salad, or roasted with mashed potatoes. Potatoes are a great source of iron! I didn't know that, did you? Or I'll do a quinoa based dish with a ton of veggies and some tofu. Whatever mood strikes.

Snacks are pumpkin seeds for sure. I'm not the kind of person to add them to a salad. I dunno why. I just don't like them in salad. But I've taken to covering them in dark chocolate and that's a super-hit of iron and feels like a real treat.

Watermelon is high in iron. Who knew? That's a great seasonal summertime snack. As are sweet red cherries, organic strawberries, raspberries and grapes too. Dried fruits are awesome for iron. Prunes, dates, apricots and raisins, but you gotta be mindful of the sugar content. One date is 24 grams of sugar. That's a lot noble reader.  Consume with caution.

In addition to making sure I consume 100% of my daily required intake of iron through food, I also take two supplements because I need all the help I can get. The first is from the health food store. It's called MegaFood Blood Builder.

I take this because it includes a host of other goodies like the Folate, vitamin C and B12. All the stuff our blood needs. Plus it's vegan, gluten free and organic and it's a whopping 26 mg of iron.

Then because I'm in the low end of low blood levels (My ferratin is sitting at a bouncy 9 at the moment) I take a pharmaceutical iron supplement as well. There are a lot of brands that your doctor can recommend and over the years I've likely tried them all - and they all have one thing in common. They PLUG YOU UP. Now I don't know about you, but I do not appreciate being constipated. The good news is that I have finally found a brand I can take and because it's a powder I can adjust my dose accordingly. It's called Feramax

It has a very non-offensive grape flavor - which is to trick kids into taking it I think, but it works for me too. I have tried the Feramax 150 tablets too, but I find them too strong for my system.

So, to recap, the must haves daily are:
Blackstrap molasses.
Pumpkin seeds
Dark chocolate
A lentil or bean dish
A grain (brown rice or quinoa)
Dark leafy greens like spinach, kale or chard
and Beets! Beets! Beets! If your poo isn't a pretty shade of purple or red, you're not getting enough beets. Don't like beets? Try juicing them. I love a good beet juice with kale, lemon and green apple. Yummy.
And lots of veggies. 

Hope this has been helpful. I'll be going back to be retested in August. It's my hope that I can beat my record high of 28, but going from 9 to above 28 in three months may be too much to hope for. I'll keep you posted! And lemme know if you have questies or concerns in the comments section below!

Lots of love,
Shan

A Hairy Topic

This blog is called Mastering My Midlife and as a woman, when you hit that "midlife" age-range, a whole host of issues can crop up. Health issues, beauty, finances, all sorts - it's a wide range of subjects that some of us (read:ME) are reluctant to talk about. But since I letcha know that I was suffering from vertigo, I thought I'd post an update along with a conversation about something I've been thinkin' about for a long long time - HAIR.

So here's the CliffNotes catch-up version - I was getting ready to walk out the door to head to work (at the end of APRIL for crying out loud!), bent over to lace up my Chucks and when I stood up the world was a tilt-a-whirl. I sat on the sofa to rest for what I thought would be a five to ten minute bout of dizziness and it turned into an eight-week nightmare. More or less. I started feeling a bit better two weeks ago, but still stuffer from the spins - in fact had to stop everything today over lunch because the ground was moving.

Apparently, the long and the short of it is that I am pretty darned anemic. Like... I've been told for years that I had an issue with lack of iron. But like the idiot who sees the oil light in the car flash and just ignores it, the problem did not go away. Instead, like the car, my engine finally seized up. My body said enough and everything came to a grinding halt. During that crazy eight weeks of spin, I was running back and forth to the doctor and managed to catch the mother of all flus and became a fever-riddled, delirious mess on top of everything else. I think the message was pretty clear. 

Slow the fuck down, Dear One. So I did. I have. I am.

I am more or less on the mend now (ish). I'm off work for the summer. Meaning, no writers' rooms for me. I will continue to write, but from home... Where I can stop and rest when needed. Pay close attention to my diet and adjust as required. I feel like quite the old lady.

The good news is that for the past two weeks I have (barely) eased back into some simple movement. Only twice a week for 20 minutes. Did I say I felt like an old lady? I meant a geriatric patient. 

Thank the good Lordissa for LekFit who has little mini-classes posted to her site. I have been able to participate in ballet arms and standing legs. The reason I'm finally posting now is because I am actually starting to believe this nightmare will end (fingers crossed, touch wood, pray to God etc) and I heard on this past week's Insta Live Stream thingie that tomorrow's In Studio class is going to be working with the disk. That's my all time favorite of Lauren's tools, so I am going to attempt to do the class. We'll see how far I get. Wish me luck. 

Anyhoo, with all this mandatory bed-rest (which has been absolute torture) I've had a lot of time to think. About all kinds of things. How to turn the world vegan, how to dominate television with my own shows, how to overcome my fear of elevators, how to develop a taste for blackstrap molasses, just all sorts. But one of the things that kept coming up for me was my hair. My hair of all things. I'm basically clinging to my very life (being dramatic) and I'm worried about my hair?!?

In a word? Yes. At one point through all of this, I managed to drag my dizzy self to the pharmacy, pick up a box of hair color, and color the front half of my hair. I was too dizzy to do the back but God forbid I die with my roots showing. That was kind of a wake-up call. I mean, I can't go to work, I can't even keep a glass of water down, but I'm dying my hair? Really? Something had to change.

So, I got on the old Google Machine which led to a deep dive down a million YouTube channels, where I got hooked on all these transformation "transition" videos of women who have chosen to stop being a slave to color. Lemme tell you I became somewhat inspired. I've been toying with the idea for years, years I tell you and have discussed it with a number of friends - three of whom have already elected to go grey. And then, as if it was a message from the heavens, I had a lunch meeting with a couple of producers that I've known and worked with for years, but hadn't seen in awhile. And when they showed up, Emma (who as you may have guessed is one of the producers) had grown out her grey and holy crap did she look good. She has the most magnificent green eyes which I hadn't ever really noticed before, but they just sparkled under those silver strands she was rocking.

I thought, if she can do it and look this fantastic, why can't I? I'm hypothyroid and anemic, so my hair has really started to thin out. Add to that the heaps of chemicals I pile on every two weeks to keep my dark tresses dark - yeah you read that right, every TWO WEEKS, I figured my hair could use a break. So...

I'm stopping the color. There! Said it out loud. Now it's done.

It's been three weeks and whoa do I have roots. But I feel differently about them this time around. I have the entire summer ahead of me to lay low and grow my hair. By the fall I hope to have a better idea of how grey or silver or white I actually am and make a more informed decision of how to proceed. Some women have done high-lights and low-lights to get rid of what they call their "skunk line" - a term I personally don't love. It's like calling the backs of our arms bat-wings if they aren't perfect and toned. Let's not do that to ourselves. Other women have bleached out their hair to create a softer combination of an ashy blond and white mix, while others have continued to color the part down the centre of their head so that the top bit continues to have color and they let the grey grow in underneath. And finally, there are those who've just said "fuck it" and let it grow, roots, skunk line, demarkation lines be damed. At the moment I'm in the last camp. 

I love hats. Sun hats, page-boy hats, ball caps, knit caps - all kinds of hats so during the worst parts I figure (cue Beyonce) If I don't love it, then I better put a hat on it!

My mind-set is this -- we have all had times in our lives where we've gone to the salon and done something crazy. That tight-curled spiral perm, the pixy cut, the weird bob that never worked out - whatever it was, we were stuck with it. So we sucked it up, resigned ourselves to the fact that we had a style we didn't love and we grew it out. I am not prepared to shave my head and go through all the crap stages of going from short to long simply to avoid the root line. Nope, I'll suffer through that knowing it will look yucky for a good year or two (yikes, I hope it doesn't take longer than that) and then hopefully come out on the other side with beautiful, original, one-of-a-kind silvery tresses that will become my trademark. Alternatively, it'll look like crap and I'll run crying to the salon to say fix this and will be a prisoner of the color for the rest of my life.

In the mean time, I'll be having a conversation with my stylist this weekend to keep her abreast of what my plans are. My hair tends to go reddish in the summer sun, so may have to go in and get it toned back to it's cooler hue in the fall, but I am determined to see it through.

I've pinned some gorgeous pics, I've following a few beautiful silver-sisters on Insta for continued inspiration and I've gone public here. So hope I can pull it off. These are the looks I'm currently in love with...

These woman are all older than me, but there's one girl on YouTube who's only 39 and she looks amazing! She lives in the same city as me so it's going to be hard not to stalk her and pepper her with a million questies! Lol. I apologize in advance Erica, if I bump into you on the subway and completely geek out.

So I think I'm ready. I'd love to hear your thoughts on transitioning. (That's the term I'm using because it sounds the most positive and life-affirming.)

Also, if you're curious to know what my iron loaded diet 2.0 consists of, lemme know and I'll put together a post on that.

Loads of love,
Shan

So... Vertigo.

The week before last I was so pumped to participate in my 30-Day Core Challenge using LEKfit and Lauren Kleban's five minute core workout. The plan was to do it daily for 30 days in addition to my regular workout. After only a week, I began to notice significant improvement in my core strength, though the workout was still killing me every time, things were toning up and I was incredibly excited to see what would be revealed at the end of the month. Unfortunately as I was getting ready for work on Tuesday morning, I bent down to lace up my Chucks and the entire world tilted beneath my feet. It was a killer dizzy spell and I thought, yep, you're officially old when you bend over to tie your shoes and you need to sit down.

I did indeed sit, expecting the spell to pass. When it didn't I had to call work to let them know I couldn't make it in, I had vertigo. It's still with me as I type this, tho it's getting better by degrees. There are so many things about vertigo that are bumming me out, not the least of which is that I am unable to do my workouts. This week's bounce class looks amazing, challenging and like it will be so much fun. I hate having to rest, lie down, or even just sit still. 

But while my physical world has been spinning out of control, the way I have been living has come sharply into focus. I feel quite vulnerable share this, but I suspect it's going to be one of those life altering events that I'll look back on and go - wow, what if I didn't get the message and kept pushing the way I was - maybe I can help someone else or give another person the "aha" moment I've had this week, so I have elected to write about it.

Let me introduce myself - Hi, I'm Shannon. Former sugar-holic. I'd like to say I've reformed but it turns out I've simply transferred my sugar addiction onto work. I'm now a work-a-holic. I work so much I don't make time to cook so I've been having pre-made vegan gluten-free meals delivered in. Great time saver, relatively healthy, but perhaps not the kind of nourishment one gets when one cooks for themselves at home? I don't know. As I have reflected upon the past 18 months, I've realized that I've worked non-stop. Full time. Monday to Friday in a writer's room, carving out my own material for the various shows I personally have in development in the evenings and on weekends. The only thing I stop to do is workout, grab a bite and then get back to it. I have put off seeing friends apart from rare occasions, and while there was a four week hiatus from work over Christmas - I was working on my own stuff. This isn't going to change in the foreseeable future. When you work in television, you have to take the work while it's there because inevitably, one day the offers will slow to a stop and you will have wanted to have built your next egg (says the voice in my head that's been pushing me to the brink of lord knows what). Seems I'd forgotten Cardinal Rule No. 6 no being a hateful meanie to myself. 

There's more to this story beyond just the work stuff. I've come to realize that I take on the pain or suffering that I see around me, I feel it deeply, but I've forgotten that it's okay to let it go, in fact we must let all of that anguish go. Holding onto suffering creates thick black blocks of energy in our bodies that eventually present themselves as disease. Turns out that my outsides now match my insides - I am out of balance - literally.

That's a lot of information. I work too much and I feel too much. Some people might say that being a compassionate hard-worker is not a bad thing, in fact I am one of those people. I say that. I applaud and look up to people that are able to juggle a million things, who are activists, who get angry by injustice. Those people are heroes to me. But I suspect that they have found balance in their lives. In fact, one such hero, Shonda Rhimes who is likely one of the busiest moms in show business, wrote a book about how she stopped saying she was too busy and started saying yes to fun stuff, the book is called Year of Yes. 

Injustices in the world are not going away and I will continue to be a voice for the voiceless where I can. Stress is part of this western world we live in, it isn't going away, so I have got to find ways and tools to deal with it.

With the help of He Who Shall Not Be Named, I managed to get to a team of acupuncturists this weekend. It was intense - they jabbed needles into my neck - forcefully and not leaving them in, in order to increase circulation. Apparently my neck was so tight, blood was not getting to my brain. They stuck needles into the top of my head and hooked then up to what looked like mini-jumper cables attached to a battery and ran currents into my head. 

That's not me, I was not allowed to take photos - but that gives you an idea of the mad science of it all. I'm not sure if I feel better or not but I am going back for more. 

The Chinese Doctors told me that my body is incredibly weak and run down - they blamed being vegan, I said I wasn't eating meat so we have to work from there. I am anemic and apparently I don't have enough blood. I am assuming they meant red blood cells - a great many things were likely lost in translation. Either way - turns out that pretty much everything I have been doing food-wise is wrong. I love spicy foods and wine and eat a lot of salads. I start every day off with my favorite smoothie. All of that is going to have to change in order for me to build up my blood and my strength. Warm foods only. Nothing raw. Only cooked. No alcohol. No spicy foods. What?I'm such a creature of habit, what the heck am I going to eat? 

Beets apparently. Beets and dark colored things like red grapes.

I'm at a bit of a loss as I want to get better but have been drinking smoothies in the morning for years. I have no idea what to eat that's warm and frankly unless I'm going to Mythology Diner for weekend brunch - warm food sounds gross. But I also recognize that things have to change. I have to cook for myself and take better care of me. Like they say, put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others, right?

So... berries are on this week's menu...

Room temperature only!

And vegan bone broth. (No vegans were harmed in the making of this soup).

I am hoping to be well enough to return to work tomorrow. Fingers crossed. But for now - my 30-Day- Core Challenge will have to wait, as will all of my fabulous workouts. Good thing Lauren keeps all her workouts up on the site so I'll never truly miss out.

Deep breaths. More music. More laughter. And some time off. At the height of the spinning this week I booked a cottage in the woods for the second my time on this current show ends. Of course I will be writing while I'm away, but I can also swim, walk in the woods and BBQ veggie burgers. It's not about stopping work or avoiding stress - it's about balancing work and stress out with recreation and relaxation.

It's okay to stop moving once in a while. Let's hope my brain gets that same message soon.

xoxo
Shan

Don't believe everything you think...

My how the pendulum sways. Yesterday I was on a gratitude high and today I'm feeling like the whole world sucks. What is up with that? The moon's not full or new or waxing or waning or doing whatever the hell the moon does to fuck with us. Mercury has gone retrograde. Nothing in my work or home life has changed or shifted for the worse. In fact He Who Shall Not Be Named and I had a beautiful brunch together this morning. The sun is still shining. Those birds are still singing. In fact it's an even nicer day out there today than it was yesterday. So what gives? Why the dark clouds?

Uh... I wish I had the answer to that question. Spiritual teachers all say more or less the same thing - look within. You won't find the answers "out there". Okay fine. But looking within all I found was gloom. So I decided to turn to myself for advice in the most literal way. I looked for an old pep-talk I may have given myself somewhere, at some other dark time in my life and I found an ancient post that I wrote entitled: Don't believe everything you think.

First of all, that in itself felt like permission to not me such a hateful meanie to myself for feeling rotten, so thanks Self. But I also found the rest of the post helpful so thought I'd pass it on.

Our minds can run away with us. Stress may kick in and get the better of the situation and before we know it, negative thoughts on speed play over and over like a skipping track on an 80s record.

Thoughts like:

I'm too fat

I'm too old

I'm too tired

It's too late for me

I'm ugly

I'm stupid

I'll never get this right

Who do I think I am?

I'm not smart enough

Not young enough

Not creative enough

Not strong enough

Not thin enough

Not sexy enough

I'm too short

too tall

too ethic

Not ethic enough

I'll never have that dream body

Never get to my goal weight

Never be happy...

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? You're not alone. We all have them. It's as if we're programmed from a very young age to feel less-than. To believe that we are somehow inferior.

I'm here to say, please don't believe everything that you think. It's not enough to just not believe the things you read or everything you hear. Negative thinking plays a huge role in us sabotaging our best efforts, not just with fitness, but in everything we do.

Find something about yourself, even if it's just one thing, and be grateful for it right now. Appreciate it RIGHT NOW!

Your beautiful eyes

gleaming smile 

what a terrific mother you are

great cook

fabulous singer

dedicated runner

your awesome hair

great manicure

your ability to tell a funny joke 

hell, your ability to remember a funny joke

how lovely you feel in a certain pair of shoes

the way your bronzer looks when you've applied it just right

your slender neck

your delicate wrist

your shapely calves

your ability to paint

your skill with decorating

your mad table tennis skills

that you're still young enough

that your current weight is close enough (love that one!)

how brilliant you look in blue

or my personal fave...

the way you've worn in your favorite sweat pants just right... whatever it is... say something nice to yourself today. Get really cheeky and say it out loud you brave devil you!

By adding a positive thought, it makes less room for a negative one and it offers more time for things like this...

Now doesn't that look like a nicer place to be?

Sometimes, we're gonna feel like crap and that's okay. So what if spring has sprung and the whole world feels happy and glad and you don't. Don't beat yourself up. (I'm saying that to me as much as to you today) Wherever you find yourself, be kind to you. You're gonna be okay. 

Hope your week blossoms into something beautiful, noble reader.

Love,
Shan