It's hard being a girl.

If there is anything that I know for sure, it's that it's hard being a girl. But you know what else I've learned? It's even harder being a woman. At least as a girl you have good skin, the future is stretched out for miles ahead, and everything seems possible.

As the clock ticks on, years pass, and you struggle to accomplish all of those goals you so gleefully set for yourself, life can get a little taxing. You can get worn out. But there are many things you can do to counter those feelings. You can eat well, live well, love, move your body, get fresh air, meditate, drink lots of cool refreshing water, copious glasses of wine might seem helpful while you're drinking them but those can have side effects, reading inspiring quotes, learning what those you admire have done and the list goes on.

I have a calendar by my bedside. It's a daily one where you rip off the previous day and you get a new picture for the new day. I generally buy ones with photos of flowers or cute puppies but this year I opted for a quote calendar. So each day I flip the date and get a new thought for the day. Some are silly, some boring, some are great reminders and today was a good one. The message today was: If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.

Wow, that's some serious truth right there.

I've been in transition. He Who Shall Not Be Named and I had decided it was time for a change so we packed up, got in our old red truck and drove across the country to start a new life (ish). It's still us in our life, but a new place, new possibility that kind of thing. We chose to make a bit of a holiday out of it, but being on the road and living out of a bag for over six weeks isn't always what it's cracked up to be. I wasn't getting the exercise that my age requires of me to maintain a good weight. Plus my diet left a LOT to be desired. Pizza, burritos, cake, cookies, chocolate, fried breakfast - oh lordissa how I love a fried breakfast.

Now, two and a half months later, as I sit in my bedroom typing this letter to you noble reader, I feel bad. I feel bad about myself. My weight has climbed up almost to the height it was before I ever started Tracy's 30-Day Method in September 2010. I've gained inches everywhere. Even my skin feels too tight. And yes, I know now that I've moved into my new place and things are settling into a routine I can get back to my six days a week with Tracy and I can try to curb my enthusiasm for everything sweet and carby, do all the stuff I should have been doing on the road but lost the will to do and I'll get back into my skinny jeans - but I feel bad.

But having a keen understanding of the importance of what we think and what we throw out there into the universe, I decided two things needed to be done. One, I needed to come here and confess how awful I feel about myself in order to snap out of it and two, I need to make a public declaration of my commitment to going sugar free. Again. Can you say yo-yo? Can you say merry-go-round? Hey, I didn't quit smoking on the first try either so bear with me.

My plan is two-fold. The first part of the plan is to try and find something about myself that I don't find appalling - so here it is -- I feel good about my arms.

I know it's a bit weak and sort of pathetic but I have to start somewhere and I think my arms are okay.

Next, I am hosting a dinner party for some very dear friends this Saturday, one of whom owns a gelato shop and is bringing homemade gelato. So rather than feel guilty, or decline I am going to have some. I will enjoy it. In fact there is chocolate in my fridge as I type this. 

So the deal is - if I am going to kick sugar once and for all why not choose a date that I can keep track of and remember? With Sunday being the summer solstice and National Aboriginal Day - I think that will be the perfect day for a fresh start. I'm not saying it's going to be easy or that I won't fail, but I am going to try and I needed to say it out loud to make it real.

Now I am off in search of some chocolate chipped cookies because if I am going to be giving all this up, I want to be sure I cross the absolute faves off the list in the next few days. What's a detox without a lil pre-tox first, am I right? No I'm not right. These are the ravings of a junkie talking. Anyway thanks for reading.

Love you!
xo
Shan