Ladies, I'm conflicted.
Deeply conflicted. On the surface, what's vexing me may seem like a shallow topic; hair color... I mean with everything that's going on in our world today, who cares about hair color? We watch the news. There are forest fires raging, mass shootings, global warming, Harvey Weinstein accusers being accused themselves, and don't even get me started on factory farming and animal agriculture - ugh will there ever be good news?
Then you turn to your email inbox and find a blog post from me moaning about hair color, should you even care? If you're a woman, I think you'll wanna discuss this with me because I'm not talking about - Should I go lighter? Get highlights? Or go red? I'm talking about stepping off the color wheel altogether. There is a pretty hardcore double standard out there against women going grey.
Don't believe me? Check out this ARTICLE about Celebrities who have confessed to covering up their silver strands. First of all "confess" like it's a sin and second the tag line reads: See which stars admit to having -- and hiding -- their grays. Like it's some dirty little secret. It obviously shouldn't be, but it is.
Frankly I have so much to say on the subject that I don't even know where to begin. You might wanna pause here, go grab a coffee or make a cup of tea and settle in because gurl, we got stuff to talk about.
I come from a culture where we respect old age and wisdom, especially in women. Our grandmothers are our knowledge keepers. I can hear my dad now saying "respect your elders". In fact if I sass him, he still says it to me now and I'm a grown ass woman. Then there's my mom. My mom embraced her silver tresses in her mid-forties and she rocked it. She's gorgeous. She was never ashamed of her grey hair. So what's the problem? I should be build for this transition, no?
Well, I work in an industry where youth is worshipped and age is almost reviled. (If you're not up to speed, I write for film and television) And while I'm not in front of the camera, people still seem more interested in a young "fresh" perspective. If you seem old, they become afraid that you're out of touch, out of date or not current somehow. As if the wisdom of your years or your life experience doesn't make you a great writer. Which sort of stinks because it doesn't seem to be that way with other types of writing I don't think. Or maybe it is and I'm just not privy to it. Luckily for me, I still look pretty youthful so I get by.
Anyway - that's only really part of the discussion. Let me give you some backstory.
A year or two ago, I was cruising through Pinterest as you do when you're procrastinating instead of working, and I came across the image of a woman who I came to later learn was model Sam Gold. This is that image.
And I thought, wow. When I grow up, I want to be her.
So then I began wondering, how old is old enough? The general consensus seems to be after 50. I discussed it at length with He Who Shall Not Be Named, and he agreed, sometime after 50 it would be okay, but not really now. Now seems too soon.
I toyed with the idea some more. I reached out to my trusted and beloved stylist Natalia in Vancouver, just to see what she thought. She's an award winning competitive colorist. She took care of my hair for over seven years when I lived out west, if anyone could give me sound advice, it would be her. She said she didn't think it would be a good idea. It would be too high maintenance if I colored it silver and I am not a high-maintenance hair girl, and if I elected to grow it, it would be a long and painful transition. So the resounding answer was no.
Hmm.
I wondered, should I get a second opinion? I had found a colorist here in Toronto whom I adored. We were together for a year and a half before she moved away, but we'd stayed in touch. So I texted her and asked, should I go grey? I got a "hell no", it's not you. Okay. I sat with that.
Still not satisfied, I went to my then current stylist and had her pick through my tresses to look at the roots I'd let peek through and said, what do you think about me transitioning to grey? Again I got a no. You're too young. It will age you by more than ten years. Don't do it. She was kind of a chatty hair dresser - like it would take me hours just to get a cut so I messaged Natalia and asked for a recommendation and she suggested I try a friend of hers - also a competitive award winning colorist.
She gave me a fantastic hair cut. But I didn't dare ask her about transitioning. Not on our first meeting. I let the subject die for a while.
Now at this point, you may be thinking, of course your hairdressers are going to say don't do it, they make a living off of you, but that isn't the case. I go for cuts mostly and only ever get my hair color-corrected about once a year. The rest of the time, I box color. The reason for that? I have to color on average every two weeks. EVERY TWO WEEKS PEOPLE.
You're now seeing why I'm so curious to stop this hamster wheel of dying aren't you?
Over this past Christmas I had a hiatus from the show I was working on. He Who Shall Not Be Named, his mom and I got together at a cottage in the woods for the holidays and I decided it would be a good time to experiment. I let my hair grow for six weeks then asked them what they thought. Both my beloved and my mother-in-law said nope. Doesn't suit you. You're much too young. You have such lovely dark hair.
When we got home, I covered the roots and thought whew, yes. This looks better. Dodged a bullet there. What the hell was I thinking. I'm not ready to go grey for crying out loud.
But then several boxes of dye later, back in the cycle of coloring every two damned weeks - I got hit with vertigo. It wasn't until I found myself dizzy as fuck, on the bathroom floor, ready to barf at any second - waiting for the timer to ding so I could wash the dye out that I though - Shan, what the hell are you doing? This isn't right! Was I so vain that I could quite literally be on my death bed but I'd still drag my sorry butt to the bathroom to color my hair?
Once I got feeling better, I went back to my "new" stylist for a cut and I tried again. Hey, I'm nothing if not persistent. And guess what, noble reader? She said no. I had let my roots grow in for about three weeks so she was able to see what was going on. Her opinion was that I was again - too young - and I was much too salt-and-pepper. I wasn't white enough. What?
That was new. I had been convinced that I was like 90% grey, but I guess that's not the case. I still had quite a bit of dark hair. Right then and there in the chair, I decided out loud that I would let it grow. She laughed and said see you in a few months for a color. She told me I would hate it. It won't be what I think it is. It will be course and frizzy and like "witch hair".
Witch hair? Omg, is that what we think of when we think of grey hair? Grannies and witches?
It kind of is.
In any case, I thought maybe my stylist could be wrong. I could love it. I knew I had the upcoming summer off to work on some projects I have in development. I didn't have to go anywhere or see anyone - I could wear big floppy sunhats - it's the perfect time. Then by September in time for the Toronto International Film Festival, I could make a decision. Keep it, or color it.
Oh, if only it were that simple.
No my lovelies - it's become an obsession and I literally flip flop back and forth on a daily basis. I'm driving He Who Shall Not Be Named crazy!
When I committed to doing this the second time around, this time for real, I had a new mindset. I was "ready" or so I though. I ran through my life in my mind's eye and thought you know, in my twenties I was a riot girl. I did things randomly and spur of the moment. I ran off and joined a cruise ship to travel the world, I followed a boy to America, I lived in a yoga ashram - I was doing what you're supposed to do when you're young and wild. I was young and wild. Sorry mom.
Then in my thirties I began to try to figure out who I was. If my twenties were about seeking outward adventure, my thirties became about introspection. I continued with the ashram thing into my thirties where I met my one true love and later fully committed to who I wanted to be - I was a writer. So I set about working my ass off, nose to the grind-stone as they say - doing what you do in your thirties and making my way in the world. Now in my forties, I want to embrace them the same way. Really embody this mid-life thing. I could still be vibrant and spontaneous, but I also know more of who I am, I've had a tiny bit of success and my life is better than it has ever been.
I wanted to embrace all that 40 could offer - and grey hair seemed part of that package. It was truly grey so why not be my fully authentic self? Hell yes! I started going on YouTube and finding all these amazing women I have come to learn call themselves the #silversisters. They were like this glorious white, silver and grey sorority of every age and background you could imagine all rocking their grey. I then found this kickass chick on IG who started a page called Grombre which gave me tons of inspiration to fuel myself on the inevitable bad days.
Mostly, women talk about how liberating it is. I have three good friends who did it long before me and they all love their hair, the choice they made, the freedom in being color-free and true to who they are. They embody their inner goddesses.
I spoke to a couple of silver sisters in the dog park - both of whom encouraged me to go for it, said I'd love it and will look great once it grows in.
Of course I spoke with my mom. I asked her how she did it. How she felt about it and what she thought and she was 100% on board with my transition. All good stuff, right? So what's the problem, you ask? Why am I conflicted? Why do I so desperately need to talk to you about this and hear from you about it?
Because overwhelmingly the world still sees grey hair as old and the truth of the matter is that my last hairdresser, the stylist who's chair I made this decision to transition in was right! I kind of hate it. I don't want people to see it. I wear my hats everywhere. I feel embarrassed about it and I feel old.
Ugh, really? Maybe I can find something else for my forties to be about and this can be a fifties thing??
But on the good days, I love the light in it, how it sparkles in a way my dark hair never did. It's a much cooler tone now because my dark hair is a cool dark, near black color and I'd been coloring it all more of a warmer espresso brown for decades. But I'll be dead honest, it's at a hideous stage. I knew this day would come and I know it's going to last for well over a year or two - it will likely take three years to get it where I want it to be, but I don't know if I have the stones to see it through.
Sure, there are options. People add highlights and lowlights to blend it in, but to me that never looks good. You get a sort of bloronge color which is like a blond that goes brassy and orange. It looks fake.
But my mom made an excellent point the other day - She asked, do you really want to be a sixty-year-old lady who has fake dyed hair? No I do not, but sixty is miles away. Could I not embrace the grey in my fifties - late fifties even? Am I hitting this a decade or fifteen years too soon? But if I wait, then I will be 90% grey and won't the transition be even harder then? Especially because my skin will age too?
I'd like to look like Sam Gold when I AM fifty, not spend my fifties going through this hell of a transition.
However - There are people whom I admire greatly who swear they will never transition. People like my beloved Norma Kamali.
I actually might want to be like Norma even more than I want to be like Sam!
But I also want to be me.
So this is the conflict. I love it when I see a stylish woman rocking her grey. I love my mom's hair. But the truth is, I may not actually like it on me - yet I am not ready to throw in the towel yet. In fact, I read this quote from a twenty-something beauty who went grey -
She had this to say:
"Why don't you dye it?" My favorite question. Next comes my oversimplified answer, because two trips to the salon per month is way too expensive. If you've embraced your gray, you know that's just a sliver of the truth. The real answer is because I started graying before I was ten and wasn't that much too young to stress over aging? Because I don't want to miss how my gray hair changes over the years. Because so many women in my life want to go natural but are shamed into dying it by their spouse... or their friends... or even their mom. Because I no longer subscribe to the notion that, for women, as essential part of aging is disguising your age. Because after 10 years of dying my hair, I've come to realize that the color that looks best on me is the one growing out of my head. Because this is really me, and can't the real me be beautiful too?"
Okay, do you love this girl as much as I do!? She's hella wise beyond her years. And she looks great with grey hair BTW. She's on the @grombre site on IG.
We do get shamed for grey. People say things like "She really let herself go" or "look at that skunk line" (I happen to think skunks are a super cute animal if anyone cares but don't want to be called a skunk). Then there's the whole Cruella De Vil baddie.
I don't want to post a picture of my hair on here because I don't want the discussion to be about what I look like. Because regardless of how it looks or how it might look on me - I'd really truly love to hear your honest thoughts and opinions on transitioning to grey hair in general. Nay, I NEED to hear your thoughts.
Do you feel boxed in, and forced to color? Do you just like the way your colored hair feels after it's colored? Have you let your hair grow out and love it? Hate it? Have you ditched the dye or are you dye-hard.
Please have this discussion with me by commenting below.
Thanks loves,
Shan
Guys it's been such a long road and I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm finally feeling well enough and strong enough to start doing full studio classes with LEK again. After nine weeks of vertigo, I was wiped out. And still treating the underlying condition of anemia, I had a ways to go before I could get back into the swing of working out for more than ten or fifteen minutes at a time. Thank goodness Lauren offers little shortie classes and add-on's on her site, am I right?
After starting with last week's class (July 25/18) only doing the first 20 minutes for three days I eventually got brave enough to try the whole class and it was terrific. The first day I did it, it took everything I had so I need a rest day in between. Then I was able to tackle it again and got through with flying colors. I loved it so much, I hated to move on to the new class (August 1/18) but... new month, new attitude, new class. I have to say, I can tell right off the bat that this is going to be one of those classic workouts that I will revisit again and again long after the next week's class comes up.
It starts off in a very gentle, wake your body up kind of way. Moving and stretching with your body's own rhythms. Then it moves into a ballet vibe, with strong control over every movement. Nothing is wasted as Lauren takes you through a series of leg exercises that work the legs and core beautifully. The workout takes on a bit of a burlesque feel. I haven't felt well, so needless to say I've not been feeling too sexy, but the workout woke up my inner goddess and got me in touch with my sensual core.
Nothing fancy here, no gimmicky, over-complicated moves, no props, or too hard to complete movements. The best part, is I rarely even had to look at the screen because our brilliant teacher talked us all the way through everything.
It was smooth and jazzy, then built to a funky finish with great energy.
I am so glad to be back. Able to move my body. And delighted to have such a great platform to do that.
Hope you're all doing well. Enjoying whatever movement you're into and loving this beautiful summer.
Love,
Shan
I can't tell you how much I hate being called anemic. I feel like I'm giving all vegans a bad name. Like this label I've been saddled with gives fuel to the argument against plant based diets. But it's a misconception. I was anemic long before I turned into a herbivore. So I'm here to set the record straight and to share the steps I've been taking to turn this low-iron-stores ship around.
Much of the following account is true, some of it may be imagined or deduced from a life-time of clues, but all of it is how I see the situation. I don't have a ton of childhood memories, the ones I do have are very specific, but I'm not the person who is going to be telling you the shoes I had on to the first day of school, or my first grade-school crush, or even what I dreamed I'd grow up to become. But I can tell you that my mom ate a lot of grapefruit for breakfast when I was growing up. She had a special spoon with a jagged edge on it for just such an endeavour.
Okay, I admit, that is a weird memory, even for me and I pride myself on being a bit of a weirdo. But I guess it's no more strange than remembering the twister exercise board she used to work out on. Anyhoo - I digress.
I'm pretty sure that I have a memory from childhood wherein I was made to drink some kind of iron supplement. It was horrible. I'd have to ask my mom, maybe she'd remember, but she's got a memory that's about as unreliable as mine. What I'm saying here is that I think my little body has always had difficulty absorbing iron.
Now knowing, years later, that I am gluten intolerant, it makes perfect sense. I was an especially fussy eater who lived on Kraft Dinner Mac and Cheese, perogies, sandwiches (on whole wheat bread because my mom was trying to get some nutrients into me, bless her) pasta and cold pizza. It was a feast of gluten. I wasn't absorbing any nutrients at that point, no matter what I ate.
At the ripe old age of 18 or 19 I became a vegetarian and switched to an almost entirely carb based diet. Without knowing how to create balanced meals I just cut out meat and ate as I had before. Throughout my adult years I'd often have my iron levels checked and they'd always come in low, but about 8 years ago, those levels were at a nasty level of low. Now iron levels can vary depending on your sex and age and a number of other factors. My doctor said it would be ideal for me to have a level of around 75. That's what she wanted to see, but she would have been happy to have me get up around 30-50. In that last 8 year period, the highest I've gotten was up to 28. Generally I range from between 7 to 14. It's not great. I'm tired all the time. I'm hypothyroid too so I get extra tired. But at the end of April when I got struck with "The Vertigo" - that's how I like to refer to it - THE VERTIGO - giving it its own special title - the Doc and the acupuncturist both attributed it to my long term extremely low ferritin stores. Something had to be done.
I worried if it was because I was vegan, but not so. Apparently I have "The Fibroids" a common condition for we women as we hit mid-life. Great. Just another reason to love aging. I don't know a whole lot about fibroids other than they grow, they make you bleed, A LOT, and they suck. I'll be going to see a specialist later in July to find out more. Bottom line, even if I was chowing down on steaks and burgers I would still be anemic because I am losing more blood than I can make.
And for me - adding meat to my diet simply isn't an option so what's a girl to do? Build her blood the plant-based way and that's what I've done. I have completely overhauled my diet - including adding back sugar which I have been strictly OFF for a couple of years now. More on that in a bit.
I wasn't sure how to tackle this post when lovely noble reader Kate said she'd be curious to hear more about how I'm building my blood. So I think the easiest way will be two fold. The first being a list of foods that are high in iron - the ones we anemics should be having EVERY DAY - yep you read it here folks - you should be eating iron loaded foods daily.
And the second is how I typically include these foods in my daily diet.
Still before that - I want to say that it doesn't matter one bit if you follow this list to a Tee and eat it daily if you are not absorbing it - so make sure you're getting vitamin C in at every meal as C helps with the absorption of plant-based irons and check your gut health. Are you sensitive to gluten? Lactose intolerant? Are you eating foods that are causing inflammation in your body and therefore unable to absorb any of the nutrients from the food you consume? The best way to find out is to go clean for three weeks. Follow Dr. Junger's Clean program to see what you may not be tolerating.
Once you're gut is in tip top shape then you'll be able to take in all the benefits of a nutrient-rich diet.
Okay - so, what foods are high in iron? Remember, this is not an exhaustive list because I've only included plant-based sources. But my favorites are:
You don't even have to read this list, at a glance you can see a theme - dark leafy greens, richly colored fruits and veggies and nuts and seeds.
My go-to, try to get it in me everyday foods are:
Spinach
Beets
Brown Rice
Lentils
Pumpkin Seeds
and two things that you'll note are missing from that photo -
Blackstrap Molasses and Dark Chocolate.
Remember how I mentioned earlier that sugar has made a reappearance in my life? It's for a good cause. Blackstrap molasses and dark chocolate both have sugar. There's nothing you can do about the amount of sugar in molasses, but just one tablespoon of organic blackstrap molasses contains 14.3 grams of iron. That's 21.45% of your daily intake! So it's worth it and so far hasn't trigged the sugar monster in me. Dark chocolate on the other hand has been a bit of a slippery slope as not all bars of chocolate are created equal. I stick to the dark dark chocolate and organic brands. Ones like Endangered Species and Alter Eco. I try to keep to the ones that contain between 4 and 7 grams of sugar.
So how the heck do you get a tablespoon of molasses in you daily? Why drink it of course. So here's the other thing you need to know when building your blood. You can't get the iron in you if you don't have something to help absorb it - like vitamin C, but you also can't get it if you're consuming things that block or inhibit iron absorption. And this is the bad news. This is the news that will make you hate me and want to stop reading. All the good stuff we love to drink - green tea, black tea, coffee, wine, pretty much all booze really - they all inhibit absorption. So when you're building your blood - you have to commit to getting off that stuff. Once you build up your stores a little bit - then you can drink those things at alternate times. So not with meals basically.
Now - back to drinking molasses. Had to give up my tea and coffee but still wanted a hot drink so... I have hot water. About 160 degrees - def not boiling. I add a healthy squeeze of lemon, which is really good for digestion just on it's own, but then I stir in one tablespoon of blackstrap molasses and voila - my morning warm beverage. It does take a wee bit of getting used to, but now I even put it in my travel mug and drink it at work. It's helping me feel better and...
Hidden benefit! It is rich in a ton of other minerals and no word of a lie - as I'm starting to grow out my grey hair, it's looking a whole lot less grey than it did six months ago. I'm not joking. I think it's helping my body actually produce more melanin. Sounds crazy, but it seems to be the case. I'll keep you posted. But hey if your health can't motivate you, perhaps vanity will?
I used to live on smoothies in the morning. I do still have them occasionally, because it's a great way to pack in your spinach, dark berries, prunes and other iron rich foods, not to mention that my Sun Warrior Protein powder has a ton of iron in it - I've switched things up and am now more often having gluten free oatmeal. One serving (43 grams) contains 2 mg of iron which translates into 11.28 percent of your daily intake. Not bad. And it's pretty low in calories so if you're watching your weight, it's a good way to go. My shakes can run up to 450-500 calories easy.
Lunch might be a serving of brown rice with red lentils, raw orange or red pepper (thrown in for vitamin C and a nice little added crunch) and I might top it with sauteed spinach and roasted cauliflower or steamed broccoli. That puts me well over the 50% mark for the day.
I'm not a huge bean fan. I find it hard to incorporate them into meals but I have a new trick. Check this out. If you mash a 1/2 cup of black beans with a bit of salsa, then spread it on a piece of gluten free toast with mashed avocado - it's a vegan Mexican iron-rich party on a plate.
Are you a hummus fan? I can't stand the stuff. But I have learned that you can use chick peas to make a vegan tuna salad. OMG! It's amazing.
Mash 1/2 a cup of rinsed and drained chickpeas. Add some veganaise, a tablespoon of dijon, finely chopped celery, green onions and dill pickle (I'm not joking it's the pickle that makes this), and whip it all together with a squeeze of lemon (gotta get that C in there), then stuff it into a fresh warm soft corn tortillas and top 'em with spinach - they are to die for. An absolute fave.
And dinner can be all sorts depending on the mood - but I try to sneak beets in there. Either steamed and cooled over a spinach salad, or roasted with mashed potatoes. Potatoes are a great source of iron! I didn't know that, did you? Or I'll do a quinoa based dish with a ton of veggies and some tofu. Whatever mood strikes.
Snacks are pumpkin seeds for sure. I'm not the kind of person to add them to a salad. I dunno why. I just don't like them in salad. But I've taken to covering them in dark chocolate and that's a super-hit of iron and feels like a real treat.
Watermelon is high in iron. Who knew? That's a great seasonal summertime snack. As are sweet red cherries, organic strawberries, raspberries and grapes too. Dried fruits are awesome for iron. Prunes, dates, apricots and raisins, but you gotta be mindful of the sugar content. One date is 24 grams of sugar. That's a lot noble reader. Consume with caution.
In addition to making sure I consume 100% of my daily required intake of iron through food, I also take two supplements because I need all the help I can get. The first is from the health food store. It's called MegaFood Blood Builder.
I take this because it includes a host of other goodies like the Folate, vitamin C and B12. All the stuff our blood needs. Plus it's vegan, gluten free and organic and it's a whopping 26 mg of iron.
Then because I'm in the low end of low blood levels (My ferratin is sitting at a bouncy 9 at the moment) I take a pharmaceutical iron supplement as well. There are a lot of brands that your doctor can recommend and over the years I've likely tried them all - and they all have one thing in common. They PLUG YOU UP. Now I don't know about you, but I do not appreciate being constipated. The good news is that I have finally found a brand I can take and because it's a powder I can adjust my dose accordingly. It's called Feramax
It has a very non-offensive grape flavor - which is to trick kids into taking it I think, but it works for me too. I have tried the Feramax 150 tablets too, but I find them too strong for my system.
So, to recap, the must haves daily are:
Blackstrap molasses.
Pumpkin seeds
Dark chocolate
A lentil or bean dish
A grain (brown rice or quinoa)
Dark leafy greens like spinach, kale or chard
and Beets! Beets! Beets! If your poo isn't a pretty shade of purple or red, you're not getting enough beets. Don't like beets? Try juicing them. I love a good beet juice with kale, lemon and green apple. Yummy.
And lots of veggies.
Hope this has been helpful. I'll be going back to be retested in August. It's my hope that I can beat my record high of 28, but going from 9 to above 28 in three months may be too much to hope for. I'll keep you posted! And lemme know if you have questies or concerns in the comments section below!
Lots of love,
Shan
